Try Not To Die
by DeliciousWaffles
Summary: Issei blinked, and she was gone. It was only Issei, sitting half naked in a dark taxi while glowing and the doors unlocked. Then he placed his face into both hands and just let out a long suffering groan. He really was having one of those days. AU. Highschool DxD x Exalted Crossover.
1. Chapter 1

Author: I don't own this silly.

And I know, I know, I really should be working on my other exalted crossover. Problem was when I tried to write it I realized it was going to take some odd 50 to 70k words just to get to the actual exaltation and _maybe_ get through the first arc. And I thought, honestly, if it was going to take that long just to get to him exalting what was I going to do for the rest of the fic? This isn't including all the disruptions from family and school life that got underfoot.

So until I can figure out how to work that fic to satisfaction, have some more humorous Issei fiction to tide you over.

**~Chapter 1~**

_**I**_n hindsight, maybe Issei should have been suspicious when the superbly pretty girl asked him out for a date. That's, err, not to say he isn't an amazingly handsome young man in the prime of his life. But, really, he should have been suspicious when a school girl with _that_ kind of body had confessed to him.

'Please die for me' Really? That's too much to ask for!

"Um, that is…what?" Issei stuck a pinky in his ear and wiggled, trying to clean it out. "Sorry Yuuma-chan, can you repeat that?"

She stepped forward and leaned in, bringing her lips to his ear. "Can you die fo-Guh?!"

One solid punch to the stomach confirmed! Issei grabbed her head with both hands and delivered a following knee to the face, sending the woman back. The sputtered around in a daze with a bit of blood spilling from her nose.

"Gah…" She ran an arm across her face to try and get the blood off. She only smudged more of it across her face. "You son of a bi-!"

Issei decked her in the face _hard_. Caught off balance, the woman was sent flying to the ground. She was swearing up a storm.

Not that Issei heard. He'd turned on his heels and ran.

"Help! My crazy girlfriend's trying to be a yandere!" Issei screamed, pumping his arms and legs as hard as he could. One would think that a man of peeping leisure such as he wouldn't be able in such top physical shape. One wouldn't know just how far an angry woman could chase you to achieve vengeance for heinous crimes (of peeping).

And, as if like magic, actually scratch that it'd only be possible with magic, a spear of searing red light shot past him. It hadn't quite hit him. The damage was a nicked to the side at best – probably on the level of toe stubbing. Issei hissed, stopping to grab his side and turned his head around to look at his attacker.

She was standing there with a face covered in blood and another light spear reared back.

Seriously? "That's not fair at all", was the first words, out of the infinite amount of things he could have said, that came out of his mouth at the sight. His Ex-girlfriend was a magical girl?

That was kind of hot.

Another spear and an inhuman scream of promised murder had sent the teenager back on the run.

Darkness crept over the horizon and blacked out the evening light. Static like purple and green tangles covered the area now. Yet somehow he was still able to see almost as well as he had before. It arched overhead and locked it-self down over the park, as Issei came to realize when he ran face first into the magic and was bounced right off.

"Solid? Huh." He tilted his head out of the way of an incoming light spear after hearing the screaming. It'd been about ten minutes since the chase started. At first he'd been scared out of his mind that he was getting magic shot at him. After the first two minutes of experiencing his hurt girlfriend fumble around with her blasts made him realize that she wasn't particularly accurate with her throws.

Then she finally got the blood out of her eyes and her shots got accurate fast.

…At least until he started making comments about her body. Specifically her rear; Yuuma had mentioned during their date that she was worried about her weight. Turns out that was a real insecurity of hers.

Who'd ever thought that calling a woman a fatass would save him one day?

"Hey Anal-chan," Issei turned to look at his deranged Ex with his new pet name for her. It looked like she'd managed to get most of the blood off her face by this point. And got a change of clothing, apparently, as her white blouse and plaid blue skirt had been replaced with what could only be described as a strap of black clothe and thong combo in thigh highs. She looked kind of like a stripper, really. Also, she spontaneously gained wings. Guess that ruled out actual flight magic.

"Stop it! Stop calling me that!" Another blast of light that Issei had stepped out of the way of, letting it smack into the barrier. She was _steaming_ from his childish name calling. It was almost cute how much she'd lost her cool.

Issei spared a glance at the barrier. It continued its weird static wiggling nonplused. He frowned. Guess those spears didn't do enough damage to get a crack in its defense.

As he examined the barrier, Yuuma had landed on the ground with a solemn click of her heels. With a look the teenager could see that the angel (?) woman had another spear in her hand with her face twisted up something fierce.

Issei blinked. Now why would she think that was a great idea? She had air superiority. He could do anything to retaliate as long as she was up there, unless…realization dawned on Issei, who hit his hand down into an opened palm. "Oh! I see now. Your aim's been terrible because you were _flying_!" The difficulty spiked on trying to hit something while both you and it were in movement. Like horseback archery.

"Shut up! Shut up! _Shut up!_" She was trembling now. Her hand tightened around the spear.

"Problem, Anal-chan?" Issei inquired innocently, "I was only telling the truth…"

"Just die already!" She hurled the blazing spear and, horrifyingly, it was more accurate than before. It was good enough that Issei hadn't escaped it entirely, taking a good scrape out of his other side. His hiss was louder than before and the boy winced in pain. He looked at Yumma in fear once more.

Before she was struggling to even get within his bodily space with her spears; now the angel (?) had him on even ground, with his back to some magical barrier that he didn't know how to get past. Issei would need to think _quickly_ if he wanted to survive this.

Yuuma had a predator's smile, wide lipped and teeth clenched. She'd finally caught him between a rock and a hard place, and the angel (?) knew it. "I'm going to kill you slowly," she announced, eyes dilated. "It was going to be quick before but now…now! Now I'm going to take my time! When they find your wretched corpse on the ground they won't even be able to recognize your mis-"

"Yuuma Amano!" Issei called out her name with a raised voice. His expression was completely serious, "I challenge you to a stripper battle!"

Issei started to move his body. He breathed out a slick techno beat and shifted his weight. The teenager's hands lifted up to grab his collar and started peeling the jacket off of him-self to the rhythm. Yuuma just stared at the boy in disbelief with her lips twitching. Like she was trying to say something about this absurd situation but couldn't actually manage it.

"What," The angel (?) finally spitted before Issei's jacket smacked into her head. She'd managed to tear off the makeshift projectile just in time to get a punch to the face.

She reared back in pain and screamed, while Issei slipped into the foliage of the forest and not believing that actually worked. A spear had been thrown in his general direction, and found it-self lodged harmlessly against the coverage.

_**I**_t had been a good twenty something minutes since he slipped her trail, according to his smart phone. It'd been spent mostly in silence, save for the occasional loud curse let off in the far distance. He dare not move from his comfortable hiding place between some trees and bushes.

When he heard approaching, however, the young man had considered that maybe it hadn't been the best idea to just sit around when a crazed angel (?) killer had been hunting him.

"I'm gonnash kills him!" That one sounded like Yuumas, only more obnoxious and with a slur. She was probably nursing that nose slash face of hers by this point.

"Yes, lady Raynare. Of course, lady Raynare. We're always at your disposal to clean up your magnificent failures." This one sounded male and dapper. He imagined the man with a fedora and long jacket with an air of swearing sophistication. Or a guy in a suit and top hat with a handle bar mustache. And a monocle. You can't forget the monocle.

"Shush ups! Ish not my faulsh!"

" 'Not your fault'? You had one job, Raynare. One job! You couldn't even do that right without fucking it up!"

"Shush up! Find himsh! I dons care hows you do ish! Jush do ish!"

Sounded like dissention in the ranks. Issei grinned. That would certainly help him survive. Then he heard a rustle from the tree's above and turned around to look right at the…gothic Lolita? The blond pony-tailed teenager looked down at him with a sadistic glee. If there hadn't been that weird purple-green static string barrier up he'd have imagined that she'd have been backed up with some silver illumination from the moon to give her some angelic glow.

It was then and there that Issei realize something.

Her skirt was doing _nothing_ for covering her unmentionables. Blue and white stripes. He could die happy now.

"You know," The angel (?) gave him a look over, "you're kinda cute."

"Really?" Issei asked eagerly, eyes lighting up.

"Yeah," A pink light spear appeared in her hands, "Not cute enough to spare, though. Sowwy~"

A few blasts later and Issei was running out of the foliage, various leafs and sticks sticking out of his shirt. The angel (?) was hot on his tail, crackling and throwing spears at the young man.

"Squeal, piggy!" She yelled. It seemed like the angel (?) hadn't been interested in killing the young man just yet; she wanted to get a rise out of him first. So Issei did the only thing a man secure in his manhood could do: scream like a little girl.

The spears tore through his clothing as he ran down the stone pathway, gothic lolita giggling mad behind him. "Ahaha! Ahhh~! I love your screams~!" She announced, floating and fluttering through the air in ecstasy while tossing the projectiles at him.

"Dish you finds hish!?" Called his personal angel (?) of vengeance. Any question of how far she'd been from him had been answered by a clumsy spear of light landing a solid three feet in front of him and a curse flung in his general direction.

Issei hadn't bothered to look behind him, knowing full well that he had at least two on his tail. And when the third one had appeared in front of him, some woman in a low-cut mini skirt dress with an absurd collar holding a yellow spear, the teenager had brought his running to a halt…right back in front of the fountain.

"Final confrontation times, is it?" Issei noted and scowled. Really? Couldn't this have been handled in a different location? Something more dramatic? Like a dungeon or the top of a skyscraper or, hell, even a church. They looked vaguely angelic enough for it to be legit.

The other two women touched down, or rather one did and the other hovered in place, legs crossed and chins supported on steeped hands. Said angel (?) was still giggling to her-self, with the other holding a deranged expression on her face. Moments later their male joined up. Issei noted the fedora and long-coat combo. He mentally marked off his correct guess.

"Finshly…" Yuuma or Raynare, whatever she was going by, lifted up her red spear. "Thish ish it for ush!"

"A question, before she kills you." The man in the back spoke up. He was smirking. "Just want did you do to get her so riled up?"

"I dumped her." Issei said instantly. It was true, technically. Nothing says we're through like a face punch.

The male angel (?) broke out into a snicker, lifting a hand up to try and cover his laughter. The gothic girl openly crackled. The other angel (?) didn't show any particular emote over the statement. She seemed like the quiet, sexy brooding type.

"Silish!" She sliced her hand through the air with dramatic flair, which was lost in its entirety with her terrible slurring. "Hish didn't dumpsh me!"

"And she can't even accept it too, no matter how much I tell her we're done," Issei sighed exasperatedly, like a man that had to deal with a stalking ex that just couldn't let go. He gave the man a look and shrugged helplessly. "What's a man to do?"

"I completely understand." The man nodded sagely, than ducked to avoid the red spear thrown at his head. He grinned harder.

"Hmm, are you sure it was just that?" The Lolita piped up and tilted her head to the side.

Issei stroked his chin in fake contemplation, "Maybe Anal-chan is still butthurt over losing our stripper battle?"

The Lolita perked up. "Your _what_?"

The stoic beauty spoke up. " 'Anal-chan?' "

"Nosh! Stupsh calling me thash!" Yuuma gave a full round of glares to everyone in the general vicinity but gave an extra special one to the statue beauty. "And I dish loosh!"

"So you _did_ have a stripper battle!" The gothic girl's face lit up in glee. She was crackling like a hyena. The man had forgone even trying to hide his laughter. He even got that sexy quiet girl to crack a smile. Score!

"But its okay, Anal-chan." Issei waggled his finger at her, smirking. "I'm willing to give you a second chance. In fact," Issei extended his arms out, "I challenge everyone to a stripper battle!"

There was a silence brought to the clearing. It made Issei nervous. Maybe he'd gone overboard on the jokes? He might have just set the flag for his Bad End.

"…I'm game." The Lolita grinned ferociously. Yuuma looked at her like she'd grown a second head.

The stoic beauty nodded her head in agreement. Yuuma turned to the guy of the group, looking for some level of sanity among her assumed subordinates.

"No," The man crossed his arms with a stern expression, "I like where this is going."

"Uurraaahh! Sh!" Yuuma howled, taking off in air in frustration. She reared her spear back and looked down on Issei with contempt. "Ish kissh you my-shelf!"

Issei watched as she tossed her spear…and stepped to the side to avoid it. It was surprisingly slower than he remembered. The woman roared and continued to throw them at him, with Issei stepping around in a semi-circle. "Is she always this bad at aiming?"

"When she's flying," the Lolita stated, "It's some weird thing with her we can't explain. She's pretty good on foot but, ah, well,"

Issei gave an understanding nod and turned his attention to the other male in the area. "Why don't you lay down a beat for these girls to strip to?"

The man raised a brow at the teenager. "You know what? Sure. I'm game."

"Really?" Issei asked, side stepping another blast.

"Sure kid," He thumbed up at the raging Yuuma, "Anything that pisses that bitch off is great. I hate her and get off on her tears."

"Uh uh uh," the Lolita tutted, "I'm not doing anything until I see some skin. I'll only show you mine if you show me yours." She winked.

Issei conceded to this point. He sent a glance to the male angel, who brought his hand up to his mouth in a simple beat. The teenager continued to dance around the laser blasts from the angry angel (?), thrusting and moving back and forth. He was already without his coat, having thrown it at Yuuma before; so instead he lifted his T-shirt up and over his head and tossed it aside, still keeping his steps going.

The gothic girl whistled. Issei had a toned stomach and clear muscles. Years of running from and brawling with angry boyfriend's had led to a shaped bode that he was rather proud of. "Okay," the gothic girl admitted, "that's worth a pair of panties."

She rocked her hips, slipping her hands sensually down from her waist to her hips and under her skirt. She leaned forward, skirt pointing away from the group and rubbing her thighs together. With a leer pulled down her panties. Stripes came into vision and she daintily slipped both legs out of the panties.

The woman presented her unmentionables, hanging off her finger, with a smirk.

"No!" Issei screamed, catching the attention of everyone around, "No! You've ruined everything you stupid Lolita!"

She narrowed her eyes, "Excuse you?"

"Everyone! EVERYONE! Knows that you take off your bra first in a strip tease! You've ruined it! **Forever!**" Issei had thrown his hands up at her, face scrunched up in despair.

Beat

Slowly, Yuuma had stopped her assault and pointed at the young man. "You shee thish? Thish ish what I hash to deal wish."

And just then a blast of dark energy (assumed) shot its way through the barrier, slamming right into the Lolita and sending her flying into the foliage. Everyone turned to the location the shot came from, which had left a burning trail of cratered ground and annihilated trees. Then they looked at one another. Except for Issei

He was already running towards it

"Help! I need an adult!" Issei called out frantically, "They made me strip and tried to touch me in bad places!"

Issei figured, hey, they could be as intent on killing him as the angels (?) were. They could also be of the mind set "the enemy of my enemy". So he'd give it a shot, at least. And they could have sexier women than the other group.

"Does someone need help!?" A woman's voice called out. Issei pumped his legs faster. A light spear, identified as blue, soared past him. In the split second that it had scratched his face on the way past Issei noted two things. One, it was a new color, which considering the consistency in which everyone else kept to their spears design meant this was probably the guy's.

Second was that given the proficiency that they all showed, even Yuuma when she was on the ground, that there was no way he could have missed Issei unless it was intentional.

"Spears!" Issei yelled at their general direction. The blue projectile was already gone, long since passed him. There was a scream, followed with concerned yelling. Issei winced. That didn't sound good.

More spears flew past him. The full range of four presented. Seems like Yuuma had decided that whoever had managed to blow their way into the barrier took priority over her pressing need to slit his throat and leave him bleeding out in the park.

He'd long left the path and stumbled into the foliage, hoping the trees could be used for cover. As he ran, the voices grew louder and clearer, until finally he'd reached the point where the young man was grabbed by the shoulder and yanked into the bushes. Issei had struggled at first, on instinct and more importantly _principle_ but had given up any attempt to escape when he realized his head had been shoved into a pair of breasts.

"It's okay," the voice said soothingly, "its okay, we'll keep you safe." Issei managed to get just enough face out of cleavage to look at his savior. Crimson hair and wide, blue eyes marked the defining characteristics of Rias Gremory, most popular girl at his highschool. She smiled down at him.

Okay, sure, why not. He could believe it. And who'd want to look this gift horse in the mouth?

Wrapping his arms around her waist, he nestled his face full force into the maiden's bosom. She gasped, surprised by his enthusiasm, and awkwardly patted him on the back. "I was so scaaarreeedd~" Issei bemoaned, sighing contently.

"I-It's okay. You're going to be safe…Um, could you let go?" Rias sounded like she was losing her former enthusiasm.

Whatever. It's not like he'd ever get to do this again. Live fast and die young!

Something made its way up to them, "Rias," a voice whispered quietly. It was a distinctively male voice and sounded familiar. Not that Issei cared at the moment. Happy place! Happy place~ "Have you gotten th-oh. O-oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mea-"

"No Kiba, its fine." Rias stated, "I've retrieved him already."

"Aha," The now identified Kiba coughed. Issei didn't want to assume it was the only Kiba he knew, which was the amazing pretty boy labeled the third greatest "panty dropper" in his grade, but given the circumstances well the teenager could believe anything right now. The assumed pretty boy cleared his throat, "Okay then. Should we leave then? We've not managed to track down the Fallen in the park. It seems they've taken to hiding after their initial barrage."

"No. Let's take care of this while we're here." Rias sighed. "I've already enough on my plate as is. Having fallen flirt around in my territory is the last thing I want distracting me."

"But what about…you know?"

"It's fine; if he dies I'll revive him."

Issei, who'd been happy to indulge him-self in shoving the entirety of his face into the pretty foreigners bust, stopped. The young man moved back with languidly and gave school idol a look of absolute terror.

Kiba quite appropriately applied a hand to his face and groaned. "Rias, what have we told you about the human mind?"

"Um…um," Rias searched around in that pretty little head of hers. She was usually so bright and intelligent at school from the very, very far away distance that her fan clubs kept him at. Right now she was looking completely clueless. "Humans don't like to die?"

"Yes Rias, yes." Kiba repeated slowly, almost as if he was talking to a child. "Human's don't like the thought of dying. That's a thing."

Rias, to his horror, looked absolutely mystified by this. "I never got that. It's not like they don't reincarnate fast or anything."

Issei let out a very, very quite squeak as he listened to the woman casually talk about his death like it was nothing to her. Noticing the faint noise, Rias looked down at the boy and realization hit her. She forced a clumsy smile, like a child that'd just had their hand caught in the cookie jar. "Err, that's not to say, um, that I want you to die?"

The silence that came after was just unbearable.

"I," Issei started, licking his lips, "I think I should go."

"Surprise cockfags!"

How Issei had managed to push Rias out of the way of the incoming lighting spear and avoid it him-self had been a mystery to everyone who saw it, except for Issei who had just been moving to cop one last feel before fleeing. The A team of highschool heart throbs looked shocked that he'd reacted before them, and the Gothic Lolita was just looking pissed in general that her surprise attack had failed. Right up till a giant blast of lightning had sent her soaring away in agony.

Issei felt blood tickle his nose. The angel (?) had forgotten to slip her panties back on. Now he could _really_ die happily.

"Rias! Are you okay?!" A woman shouted frantically from the other side of the clearing. She had probably been the source of the giant bolt of fuck off that had just sent the angel (?) flying. Rias had called back to the other female, assuring her that she hadn't been hit and was alright. Then she looked down to where Issei had been originally.

And she had found nothing, for Issei was already making a run for the established exit.

Issei was thinking long and hard about his life choices by this point. Most of them being how he hadn't bothered to get around to playing those eroge games he'd let pile up out of laziness. He prayed and promised to whatever god of digital porn there was out there that he would play every last one the moment he got home if he could just survive this!

Within the infinite spasm of the eternal space realm of the nithe dimension, an alien being of un-comprehension-al design and creation felt the tiniest of millimeters of microscopic responses so small that the human mind could not even come close to rationalizing the insignificant size of this one program of the greater beings design or the immeasurable greatness that it held within the sole "beep" that was announced.

On the matter at hand, he now had two factions of people to deal with. One, the crazed angels (?) that were out to kill him for some vague reason that was never really established, which he assumed was just so that they didn't have to hear more of Yuuma's whining. Two, the occult club members composed of the most desired people in his highschool (though only confirmed two) who were apparently some form of supernatural strike force (personal impression) that didn't care about his life.

…Which, in hindsight made some sense come to think of it? Why the hell someone with as rocking a body as Rias and Akeno be caught dead in an 'Occult' club? Unless they were magical girls? They were probably magical girls.

That was kinda h-

Issei leaned him-self out of the way of the coming red spear and rolled his eyes. Really? Such a predictable time to throw it at him. By this point he was already out in the open, trying to pick up speed and honestly, he wasn't particularly worried about this lame angel (?) being on his tail. Her shot was crap.

"Shups! Ish commansh yous!" Yuuma screamed with an imperious slur.

"Not on your life, Anal-chan!" Issei didn't bother to look back. So close, so close…

"Make sure he doesn't leave!"

The voice where that shout had come from nearly made the boy trip over his feet. He spared a look back. Behind him was Rias right on his trail. Her hands was covered in a shrouded darkness that she was more than happy to try and blast it into the faces of the pursuing angels (?). There was Kiba holding some kind of stylish blade that only a cosplayer would be caught dead with. Next to him was a low flying…Akeno? She was taking electric pot shots at the angels to keep them on the move.

Guess that's where the lightning from earlier came from. Issei briefly wondered if she could railgun with it.

He could see it by now, the cracked outer edges of the opening in the barrier along the last semblance of the setting sun. The street lights were on by this point but weren't quite required to see yet.

"Dosh lets hish get awash!" Howled his personal vengeance angel (?).

"We can't let him exit the barrier! Stop him Akeno!" Rias commanded to the second most popular girl in school.

"Yes president~!" Chirped the sexiest girl at Kouh Academy.

Issei hadn't even waited for Rias to finish saying Akeno's name. He'd already dived right back into the tree line hoping to use them as cover. The crackle of electricity followed close behind, blasting a tree's side but being ultimately stopped by it.

He'd have thought beforehand 'this electricity works on the same principle as the real worlds', except the teenager had already seen it hit a flying enemy at a lower altitude without diverging at all towards the trees. So, essentially, it was magic lightning.

"Wow that realization," Issei breathed, "accomplished absolutely nothing."

It was then that a thunderous shaking of the earth took him off his feet, a blinding flash of light engulfing his vision. He feel face first, tumbling once on the ground and landing back against a bush. It was probably the most damaging thing that'd happened to him this evening. The young man looked up from his position of rag dolled human and saw that the spot right next to where he had been running was now a carved trench of smoldering earth and burning trees.

Issei felt him-self starting to sweat. His brow was twitching.

"Akeno!" hissed Rias, "I told you to stop him! Not obliterate him! I can't bring him back if he's a fried corpse!"

"Whoopsie~" Came the completely unremorseful reply of her second in command.

Okay. Screw this. He was so out.

Realizing that using the trees as cover against a magical lightning spell that could tear through it like a knife through hot butter was exactly going to help him; the young man had decided to throw caution to the wind. Great success only comes from great risk! And a man such as he dealt with risk on a daily basis!

Issei flailed out onto the newly created path, more because his getting a shoe caught on a root at the last second hand sent him flying than any need for dramatic comedic effect. He stumbled out of the green line into the still hot trench. He immediately hissed and howled at the pain of touching hot and burning earth.

But the teenager was quick to be on his feet and running right for the hole. He didn't have a choice, what with the spears and lightning flung his way. Issei was lucky; he knew that at least half of them didn't want to outright kill him. The lightning thrown at him had been at the sides, touching the sides of his path to try and scare him off the free path to the exit. Only the red spear had been a consistent threat to him, always nipping at his heels. He got one yellow, a close call toss that nearly took off his head and the blue spear, which just seemed like a lazy side throw that didn't even stick to the ground.

Issei had only taken a moment to notice that the lightning had been off from the actual hole, trench trail ending at the side of the broken exit, before he leapt through the jagged portal.

And nearly into two unlucky bystanders that had been chatting by the barriers entrance while taking curious looks inside.

"Run you idio-!" A spear of whatever color, Issei wasn't particularly concerned, had managed to get his leg and shot past into a parked car. Blood squirted freely as Issei cried in pain. Another spear flushed past his head and the young man clenched his teeth, stomped the hurt leg into the ground and pushed him-self down the street.

Screams filled the air behind the teenager as attacks went flying. The angels (?) were the first out after him, given the screams of hatred and calls of death he was hearing. The thunderous clap and shriek of anguish signaled that Akeno had made it out too.

Issei had to wonder how he looked at the moment to anyone not involved with this madness; a shirtless hurt teenager desperately hobbling away from a stampede of skimpily dressed angelic beings fighting magic flinging foreign led high-school girls. Sounded like the opening plot to a shitty anime of an idiot protagonist surrounded by women and fueled by fanservice.

Issei squealed. Those were his favorite kind of anime!

"Give up, Issei!" The beautiful big sis called out to him. "I don't want to have to zap you!"

Or rather, she didn't want to get yelled at by Rias. Issei stopped in his tracks, or tried to and nearly fell face first. Having a torn up leg was making former movements just a tad difficult. With a hand on his hurt leg's thigh; the scratched up, scared up, bleeding and half dressed young man looked up at the smiling…whatever the hell Akeno was.

"That's right, Issei. Just stay righ-Ahh!" A blue spear had found its way into one of her wings and sent the high-schooler spiraling downward. He was already on the move, slipping down and sliding on his knee's to play catch the girl.

Oww! Oww oww oww oww! Sliding on road pavement was suddenly not the best idea! God damn it hurts!

She landed right into him in some kind of bungling crash that he'd hoped had ended up in some comical fashion with his face pushed right into her chest or unmentionables. What he got instead was a face full of back. God she was heavy.

Immediately he wrapped his arms around her waist and rolled them both to the side to avoid the red spear that'd been tossed at their center. With what strength he had the teenager threw the girl, who was yelling in confusion, away from him and half-rolled to avoid the second spear. When he tried to roll again Issei found him-self jerking in vain. A quick look saw that a spear had caught a part of his pants.

Dully, with realization and acknowledgement of his predicament, the young man glanced up at the bloodied, torn, fried angel (?) of vengeance with a red spear and a wicked grin.

She was then blown away from a shot by the most popular girl in school and Issei proceeded to tear his pants to get him-self free. A pair of pants wasn't worth his life! Forget the pain! Forget his dignity! It was all meaningless if he didn't make it out in one piece!

And so did Issei Hyoudou bravely run away.

As the boy frenzied boy hurried his way down the road, away from the chaos that he'd left in his wake, he noticed something. A sole taxi parked on the side of the road. Issei glanced back at chaos, then at the taxi, then at the chaos.

"Where to?" Ask a fruity feminine voice when Issei practically threw him-self in. He slammed the door behind him. He didn't bother with a seat belt.

"Away!" He yelled. The driver adjusted her cabbie hat with a 'very well' and hit the gas. They sped off down the empty street, leaving the crazy behind them.

_**H**_e hadn't been this tired in his life. A couple of scuffles between angry larger males and running a few miles to lose them just didn't compare to that…everything that just

happened. His heart had calm down awhile ago, the adrenalin wearing off and leaving the sweating young man sitting drained in the back of this taxi. Issei tried to keep him-self from, just, freaking out over what had happened. Laying back into the cushy seat with his eyes closed.

An eye creaked open. It was dark outside; the only source of light coming from the outside streetlights and buildings. Issei raised a brow in curiosity. Just how long had he been riding in this taxi?

"Oi, driver, where are you taking us?" Issei asked, looking into the rear view mirror to get a look at the woman's face. What he got instead was a tilted mirror reflection aimed downward and right into her cleavage.

But one could not say this was just _any_ kind of cleavage. It was the kind of milky white, perky set of breasts that looked just absolutely at home in the snugly low cut sweater top she wore. He thought, no, knew that she was easily bigger than Rias just from the mirror glance he was getting, yet not to the point of being grotesquely huge or unwieldy. It was as if perfection it-self had reached down to molest these breasts into the perfect everything any man could have desired from a pair of mammary.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I'll drive kiddo, so if you figure out where you want to be taken, just tell me." She replied in this absolutely low purr that struck a chord in his young teenager heart. He could practically feel the smirk in her voice, "And clean your-self up. You're drooling."

An arm rubbed across his mouth had in fact confirmed said drool. Then something had registered with Issei, when he'd you know gotten around to stop staring at her cleavage. "Is it? No, it can't be…"

He could see the tiniest smidgen of a smirk now on her face. It seems she got it. "Yes." It was only now that Issei realized her hair was a long, shimmering luxuriant white.

"I want to get out. This isn't happening." Issei wiggled the car's door handle. It refused to budge. He couldn't undo the locks.

She giggled. It was like a heavenly chime that rang through the taxi. "No."

"Fool! Don't you see!? We've already been judged! It's too late!" Issei was feeling him-self relax despite his yelling, letting go of the handle and sinking back into his seat.

"Hmmhmm, is there something troubling you sweetie?" The driver hummed in good spirits.

"I'm a compass in the North pole."

She snorted. Even that sounded sexy to him. "Really? That's your choice? How many people actually picked that answer?"

Issei managed a grin at her. It seemed like everything she did, down the simplest of noises was affecting him. Who the hell was she? "More than you think. Certainly more interesting than picking the flailing around in despair options am I right?" The woman gave a crisp nod in agreement. "…Thanks. I really needed this."

The tips of a smile were visible from where he was. "Any time sweetheart, I know it's been a long day for you."

The silence that followed was surprisingly comfortable. He'd just sunk back into the cushy and let the super hot driver lady steer them around. Issei took a deep breath in, closed his eyes and broke the silence. "So who are you?"

"Some people call me the White Navigator," She started casually, not bothering to even hide her nature, "Others the Bloody Huntress or The Walker at the crossroads. All a different part of me with a purpose they serve. Ah, but I'm not any of those at the moment. Right now I'm the Promised Migratory, watcher of nomad and animal migration, giver of safe seasonal passages." She blew a bit of hair up and out of her face, he imagined. "Certain individuals aren't particularly happy about this form. Steps onto their turf, you know?"

Issei bit his lip. He didn't want to be gaping at the woman's self delivery of her awesome form. She'd pulled the taxi over to the side of the road and shifted to parking. "Of course, you could just call me by my all around known title." Then she turned and Issei felt his face burn.

It was hard to describe what he saw. It was like her face and expression had transcended the boundaries of mere mortal attraction. That all things he had seen before, all the women's bodies and smiles, all the pretty faces, everything pale to such an insignificant degree that he could only wonder as to how he ever thought they were beautiful in the first place.

The looming clouds above had parted and the silver rays of the moon poured in, catching her in such a way that just made her glow with warmth.

"**I am** **Luna, goddess of hunt and the night sky, mistress of the silver chair, enemy of the fae and protector of Creation.**"

"**I have been watching you, Issei Hyoudou and I am impressed. Few could accomplish what you have and live to tell the tale. For this reason I bless you with my gift.**"

Then she tilted her head, a few gorgeous locks of white slipping off her shoulder. She smiled at him with such an otherworldly amount of affection that Issei's brain turned to mush. A single gloved hand reached out and poked him in his forehand.

Issei Hyoudou inhaled sharply, life shinning before his eyes in some kind of magically induced trip. He had taken his second breath. He didn't know why he knew this or why his mind was just absolutely flooded with…things. But he did. And that's all that mattered at the moment.

In a swath of silver light and animalistic design, Issei sat with the mark of a hollowed moon on his brow. "**Don't mind if I've had some alterations done to your gift. Think of it as some help for my sole chosen of this world.**" She retracted her hand and turned back around.

"Heh, anyway." Luna flicked the mirror back up and gave him a wink through the reflection, adjusting her cabbie hat. "I'll be looking forward to seeing your progress from now on, my precious steward. Make sure not to disappoint me."

Issei blinked, and she was gone. Nothing looked disturbed or showed a sign that the goddess Luna had ever been there. It was only Issei, sitting half naked in a dark taxi while glowing and the doors unlocked.

Then he placed his face into both hands and just let out a long suffering groan. He really was having one of those days.

**~END~**

A/N: I've a few chapters I'm editing/writing at the moment. Expect the next one to be up in a week or so.


	2. Chapter 2

Author: Okay kiddies, saddle up. This chapter's full of serious business relationships today. To which I even consider adding in a romance tag because of it. Not nearly as zany as our wonderful romp through the streets as before but I hope you'll enjoy it all the same.

(I actually had to re-write this chapter like five times before I got it just right-ish. Which makes me a liar about what I said before. My bad.)

I've also learned through my struggles that as a twenty three year old American man trying to write and keep in character with animu desu romance between Japanese teenagers I have a fair amount of difficulty. Because I expect people to get on the stick when it comes to these sorts of things and trying to stretch it out wrecks the nerves.

Chapter contains material **NSFW**. Though I kept it to the bare minimum since I'm not entirely familiar with what fanfiction dot net lets you get away with.

One last thing. For the curious, I'll be dipping into Revlid's redo of TAW in regards to most charms and abilities Issei has. I'm not familiar with the entire concept but I certainly have been reading it with gleeful vigor since I stumbled across the whole deal. So much love.

I don't own this silly.

**~Chapter 2~**

_**H**_is sleep had been wonderful. Last night when he'd finally managed to pull him-self out of the taxi and drudge home, the most he'd accomplished was tearing off the left over scrapes of his pants and falling into bed. He hadn't bothered to check him-self for wounds or blood stains. The teenager knew they were fixed on an instinctively. Like he could suddenly sense every part of his body on such an inhuman level that he could quite accurately tell just how much "health points" he had.

But that was stepping a bit too much into Meta, Issei thought, and went to sleep.

When he woke up, well, Issei had never felt so good in his life. Was it the euphoria of being alive or maybe his encounter with the godd- no, his goddess last night that lead to this wonderful feeling?

An arm had snaked its way over his waist and fingers traced their way across his toned abs. Something loomed peacefully overhead, and with the sweetest of breaths into his ears greeted him "Good morning, sleepy head~."

Oh right, it was probably the pretty girl in his bed.

Issei abruptly drew him-self back up and against the bed post, eying the intruder in fear. When the hell did she sneak in?

The figure looked perplexed at his actions and raised a single, beautiful brow. "Good to see you're so energetic in the morning." Akeno commented. She was wearing a lovely frilly pink unmentionables combo and unbuttoned white shirt over it. Her hair, the usual tight ponytail, was released into a cascading silken black that any Japanese beauty would be proud to have.

Then she stretched. A single, pretty arm reached up for his roof. The other reached behind her to clasp a hand around it. Issei felt his jaw lax. His eyes trailed up from her shapely thighs, up the curves of her creamy hips to that wonderfully toned stomach. Then he hit the eye catcher, her breasts, perked and ripped for the fondling, fitting perfectly in that bra of hers. Akeno whipped her beautiful black hair to the side and pulled upwards, arching her back. If there was greater moment in his life, Issei had forgotten the moment her chest was pushed forward.

"Hmm? Is something wrong Issei~?" She teased. Her eyes had been closed to enjoy that wonderful stretch; which was entirely better for him to stare at her absolutely sculpted body, but one gorgeous purple eye had been cracked open to leer at him.

"Goddess,_"_ he swore. Then Issei blinked, the euphoria passing and the young exalt shook his head. "I-I mean what are you doing here, Himejima? In my bed, dressed like that! This is dangerous! I'm a growing boy you know!"

"I can see that," The woman turned her gazed downward. "Wow." She breathed.

Twitch. Twitch.

Issei's hands were quick to protect his dignity. No matter how much he was enjoying her reactions, the young man had to keep his head in the game! What did she do last time? Nearly level him along with a good chunk of the forest! He could not be swept in by her charms!

Her very, very lovely charms.

"Now, now," Leisurely Akeno crawled after him on all fours, like a cat that was toying with its victim "Don't be so tense~" she purred. Issei felt his head tilt a little on instinct, losing him-self for but a moment to this inbound sexy big sister type.

"S-stay back!" Was his feeble attempt to handle the situation.

"No~"

A lack luster defense in the face of the most attractive senior at his academy had lead to a meek disposition that ended with the two face to face. The sputtering man had pushed him-self back as far as he could to avoid her and she was more than willing to follow after, practically pinning him to the head post. Issei's eyes, with a mind of their own, drifted across the woman's body. At least one part of his body wasn't going to pass up the chance to eat up the eye candy, even if his brain was being stubbornly defensive in the face of a pretty magical girl.

Who could have killed him if her shot hadn't been off a few feet.

Two delicious, bountiful orbs squished together at that one moment and Issei found him-self suddenly without care. Though in his hormone laced mind he had realized something.

"Akeno…is that my shirt you've got on?"

"Yes," She turned her head aside, sending him a coy smile, "Does it suit me?"

There is a dream in every man's life. The one that whispers through his mind, that haunts his sleep, that is the embodiment of all a man could have ever fantasized – a beautiful woman strutting around in one of your tops. Rolling around in it, smelling it to get a taste of you when you're not there; the dream man, the dream! The living fantasy! Right here!

Madday, madday! Brain over load! Gameover man, gameover!

Deathflag raised! He could most definitely 300% die happy now!

Issei's face had lit up like a tomato. There wasn't a single place that handsome visage that wasn't burning at that one, beautiful imagery. Conveniently, Issei had moved his hands away to try and reposition him-self before and left his son visible for the entire world to see. He straightened him-self, standing rigid and tall, and Akeno did not go without noticing.

Akeno brought up a hand in disbelief, eying him, "I'll take that as a yes~" She was more pleased with her-self than she needed to be.

Issei made a grab for his pillow and slammed it down hard on his morning salute; and then forcibly kept the thing down with personal strength and sheer determination not to just try to take the pretty woman right there.

She giggled sweetly and a single, beautiful finger found its way to his chest. The finger started to make small circles on it. "Hey, Issei?" Akeno asked for his attention, voice dipping into a sultry tone that he was just absolutely eating up.

"Y-yes?"

"Go out with me."

Issei's eyes shifted from side to side, not entirely sure what to do or how to deal with this situation. "L-like go with you somewhere or-" he tried to clarify what she meant, even if the young man was already aware of the context of her words.

"I mean date me," she was quick to shut down his attempts, "be my boyfriend."

It was here, in this significant event within the life of Issei Hyoudou, that he paused. It wasn't the kind of playful pausing he had the tendency for. It was a real, bodily stall as the man's nigh euphoria mind came to a screeching halt. It was such a jarring shift that Akeno had given him a worried look, "Issei?" She inquired, giving him a one over.

And like that, his mind had been cleared. His face was still as red and flushed as it had been before but he could think straight again. Issei gave a relaxed, bitter smile at that realization.

His little soldier, who had been twitching fiercely before, had lost steam and was slowly returning to his barracks for reassignment. Issei would see him off with a salute but right this moment he had more important things to take care of.

"Issei?" Akeno repeated, looking up at him. "Is something wrong?"

Yes. Something was very, very wrong. And for what he was about to do, Issei knew, when he eventually calmed down over the matter, he was going to wish he could solidly kick him-self in the balls. Self mutilation if he could get away with it. Because he had a chance _at the dream_ and he was giving it up.

Two hands, steadily, found them-selves around Akeno's one. He pulled it up and between them, pushing him-self a little forward and straightening up the Japanese beauty until they were both sitting upward on the bed. "Look, Akeno," She'd opened her mouth to say something, probably sensing what was about to come, "let me speak," he cut her off before she could. The young lady obediently closed her mouth and nodded.

"You are," Issei started, trying to find the words to describe it. With a lack of poetic knowledge and flowery language, the young man decided to just be straight up honest, "Well frankly you're the dream. You are everything a man could ever want or wish in a woman. Y-you," Crap, he was stuttering. Akeno's other hand found her way to one of his, taking hold and rubbing a thumb over his knuckle in an overly familiar and intimate motion. The young man blinked and sent her a questioning glance. She smiled encouraging and nodded again, slowly, waiting for him to continue.

"…you're," Issei continued, suddenly finding a new strength in his voice as he repeated his last word and pushed on, " You're like if they'd taken beautiful and stuck it on a pair of legs and told it there was a daily quota of _hearts stolen_ it had to make every time it strutted down the street and before the week was over there was a flood of gushing puppy dog love that it'd inflicted on the masses because the scientists who weren't meant to play god had made a _living goddess_ and she was taking over the world with nothing more than a wink and a smile."

That was an appropriate compliment for a lady, right? Right.

Mind, he'd actually met a living goddess last night. And Akeno wasn't anywhere near her level, but…

"And if you had asked me any time, _any time_, before last night I'd have immediately jumped on the chance to date you with more bottled up insecurities and doubts about the relationship than you could even believe because you're the super adored senior idol and I'm the depraved ruffian student that will never do anything productive with his life and whose name sends women running in fear," he admitted without shame.

If you had told Issei Hyoudou that the sexiest woman he'd had met in his life was going to end up in his bed the next morning, he'd have socked you in the shoulder with a smile. Because it was probably his all of two friends joking about wife material and what service they'd provide.

He was going to punch one of them later out of principle.

Akeno had mostly been listening quietly as Issei poured his heart out for her. She was soaking in his compliments and, despite his assumption that Akeno would be taking in what he said with a grain of salt, looked almost as serious as he was. Her flirty expression was gone, replaced with one of the simplest and most beautiful smiles he'd ever been graced with in his life.

Then, as his words drew to a conclusion, her smile gained a twitch of sadness, "But," Akeno started, knowing where this was going.

"But," Issei continued, acknowledging her suspicion, "I just got out of a really bad relationship and I don't think I'd be the right man for you or any lady at the moment."

Akeno licked her lips and sent him a hopeful look, "How bad is bad?" She took the step forward and dared to ask. Issei gave her a bitter smile.

"My Ex was the angel (?) that tried to stake both of us last night."

"Oh," The understanding hit the woman like a brick. Her tension and body deflated when it finally really clicked what had happened, "Oh."

Yeah. Oh.

The heat of the moment had died down by that point. Hands were released and Akeno, seeing that her attempts at seduction had been futile, reached a hand up to pull the button up shirt over her-self. They both just sat there, one giving a bitter if apologetic smile and the other returning it with a dismayed but understanding look.

"Thank you," Akeno spoke quietly, honestly, "for saving my life." She had tried to lock eyes with him and Issei got a chance to look right into the hopeful eyes of the beautiful woman who he'd just rejected.

Goddess this sucks.

"N-no problem," he looked to the side to avoid them. Goddess, they could sparkle.

"But," Akeno finally started back up, "I'm," she said, stopping and taking the time to consider her words carefully, "I'm allowed to wait, right?"

"E-eh?"

"I'm allowed to wait, right?" She repeated, "It's not me, yes? It's just what's happened to you." Issei was about to say something and this time it was her cutting him off, "Shush. You got to say what you wanted to. Now it's my turn." As she did so, the young lady poked a finger into his nose, smirking. Her confidence was returning in force and soon she had that wonderful smile back on her.

"We don't hate each other. You think I'm..." Her expression lit up in amusement, "basically a wet dream and I think you're-," Akeno pushed her finger forward to keep him from arguing. "Let me finish, you." She scolded.

"I know who you are. I know what you are. I'm a smart woman, Issei Hyoudou. Did you think I did this on some whim?" Eyes were narrowed. Issei felt a drop of sweat slip down his face. It was like he'd just been put under the guillotine, "unless you think I'm some flighty woman that can't make a serious commitment and shows up in every dashing man's bed half dressed?"

Issei shook his head with a defensive fury, completely denying her accusation. Her wonderful smile returned. "Good!" She announced, pleased that the misunderstanding had been cleared.

"And I," she had taken her finger away from him. Issei swallowed; face lighting up a bit as Akeno continued her tirade. "I," Akeno, fearlessly, had practically thrown her-self into the lap of the mystified young man. He blathered something, anything, in response to her violent intrusion into his personal space. All of which was halted when her hands found their way to his cheeks, palming them and he found him-self looking once more into the eyes of Akeno Himejima. "Don't care."

"I'm not someone that cares about those sorts of things, Issei. They're nothing. You've seen what we did last night, right? Fighting, battling with the," Akeno took the time to roll the term around in her mouth, looking like she wanted to make a correction on his use but decided it was the time for it, "Angels (?) from last night? I'm not a normal person, Issei and I only pretend to be when I need to. Trying to apply modern social expectancies to someone like me is like trying to shove a square block into a circular hole. It just doesn't work."

"And personally, I'd rather have the man who could run head first into danger to pull me out of the fire than someone with better looks and a higher grade score." Her speech range with an absolute confidence that Issei had only seen in…

Shining white hair graced his visage briefly but the young man mentally shook his head. Later, he told him-self. This was more important right now.

"And you, Mr. Hyoudou." Her hands moved, rubbing against his shoulders before making their way around his neck lazily. She lowered her head down and pressed her forehead against his. "Are better than you think you are." She reassured. Her smile was absolutely stunning. One of her hands had returned, retaking its place and running a thumb over his cheek affectionately. "And the moment you realize that and finally overcome those fears of yours, I'll be right here, waiting for you." Akeno whispered her promise.

Then she pulled him into a kiss.

It was a mute kiss. Not passionate. No forceful entrance; just a simple, quiet expression of affection on the lips. Issei didn't fight back and even pressed returned it but the teenager was so mind boggling confused at the moment that he couldn't really take advantage of the situation.

"Mmm," Akeno hummed pleasingly, removing her lips from his. "After all," she took her arm from him and pushed her-self upward, using her hands as leverage to keep her-self straight on top of him.

They didn't erupt from her back, didn't materialize in some kind of fancy bright light. It was more like they just sort of unrolled them-selves out to their full span. Two leathery and hard looking wings now appeared attached to her back. They gave one solid flap and a rush of air smacked right into him. The most it managed was ruffling his hair.

She gave him an impish grin just as a spaded tail found its way into his vision. "I have all the time in the world~" Akeno winked.

With a second look over those wings, Issei had come to a realization.

His not girlfriend was a sexy pop culture stereotyped vampire. Or demon. One of the two.

"So I was wondering," Akeno's hands ran up and down the front of Issei, "and I ask this knowing we aren't together or anything. I understand the reasons, even if I don't like it," She leaned back down, hands tracing back up and comfortably returning to their spot around his neck. "Want to have sex?" She asked huskily.

"I-I," he looked completely bewildered at the sudden proposition.

She gave him a flirty smile, "What? Did you think you were going to save a woman's life and not get anything out of it? What was before was _business_, dear. What right now is~" Akeno leaned in closer and whispered, "P~lea~sure~."

His pride and joy stood to attention, ready to sacrifice it-self for the good of the cause. Given Akeno was right on top of him, the woman could feel all of it. The Japanese beauty blinked, then blinked again, then sent him an absolutely lascivious smile. Then she started to grind her-self into him.

Oh _goddess_.

"Bluh," Be right back. Issei needed to reset his brain. Stimulus overload. "Bluh!"

But in that hormone idled mind that's willpower was quickly draining, he had just enough to look to the side and at his door expectantly. Akeno didn't seem to like that, "Hey," she purred, "don't look away from a lady like that~" She bit his ear and nibbled her disapproval into him.

"S-sorry," Issei stated as she moved down from his ears to his neck. "M-my, my pa-a-papa," He was having a hard, hard time keeping focus by now.

"Your parents?" She inquired in between kisses to his exposed collar. Issei nodded. It seemed like the kind of time for them to barge in and interrupt this, this heaven he found him-self in, "under a sleep spell. They won't be waking up for awhile." He could practically hear the smirk in her voice.

He gulped at hearing that.

"Hey Issei," she mewed, not letting up the assault, pawing at his chest, "Touch me already." Akeno commanded, sealing the order with another kiss.

And like that, what little shred of willpower he had was gone.

_**M**_other. Father. Your son has become a man. A very satisfied man.

He imagined his first time to have been an awkward experience. For all the hoorah and amazing sex he saw on the internet, he knew the reality of it would be quick shot and hopefully an understanding lady. What he actually got was an erotic beauty that, while she was as new to this as he was, enthusiastically pushed them both to new heights.

The way she moved, the way she pressed her-self into him, how she shook her hips and withered under him. How she cried for more. _Goddess_, every move she made was intoxicating.

Every time he heard her breathe his name, Issei felt a little more whole, and went a little faster, a little harder. Until finally the bed was loudly creaking it's disapproval of the rough treatment.

They found, to both of their happy surprise, that the first round was not Issei's last. Not even close. His pride was standing proud and rigid, and Akeno had been more than eager to put his vigor to the test. Again and again and again.

Issei knew this couldn't be physically possible with his body before last night. Even with his stamina, such acts shouldn't have been viable. It was, dare he say it, the supernatural powers that were letting him slam his hips into one of his highschool idols like a champ. He attributed it to Luna and sent her a small prayer of thanks for the bodily feast he was able to partake in.

Then, when he had moved in for the next round, she had breathlessly put up her hands defensively and squeaked out a request for a break.

Sitting on his practically ruined sheets, seeing such a Japanese beauty covered in sweat and lying back on his bed to get some much needed rest, Issei truly felt like a man.

He'd taken the time to check the clock. They'd gone far into the evening. And if he woke up at his usual time, that had have meant they'd been going at it for _hours_.

She took a look at her-self in between hard breaths then switched to eying him. He was covered in quite a bit of sweat himself and looked perfectly at ease. Then down to see he was still raring to go. With shaky legs she took his hand and led him down the hall to the bathroom, saying they needed to clean up. They were both naked as they crossed through the house.

And that what happened in the bath, well, that was an experience in and of it-self.

But all sweet things, he knew, must come to an end.

"Issei?"

Iseei turned towards Akeno. For everything that had just happened he was surprisingly calm. Still flushed, mind but mentally he felt refreshed and clear. It was pretty great.

He'd already gotten dressed; jeans and a buttoned up black shirt, with a jacket over it. Not the most elaborate clothing but something he was comfortable with.

Akeno, he found, hadn't come in her school uniform. She'd taken to a very pretty light purple dress and denim jean shorts. She was sitting on his bed and had just slipped on said dress. He'd almost ask her why she hadn't come here wearing her school uniform but quickly moved away from that line of thought. She might take it as an interest in sexy school girl cosplay.

Which he did have but Akeno already had enough ammunition against him as is.

She reached back with both hands to whip her hair back. Her smile was gorgeous and satisfied, if a bit flushed. They shared a content look between one another. Then, mysteriously, Akeno's smile turned to a frown and she looked away.

Gah. D-did he just get re-rejected? So soon? N-not that he wouldn't understand given what he announced before, b-but right after what they did…

"Um, Issei," Akeno started playing with a strand of her own hair. She bit her lip. "I…haven't been completely honest with why I'm here." The beauty shrunk in a little on her-self.

Oh. Uhhh

Issei arched a brow at her and waited for the woman to continue. "I was kind of sort of maybe sent here by Rias to pick you up. So she could, um, push you into working for her." Akeno sent him an unsure glance.

"Oh." He announced. This wasn't awkward at all to bring up after sex.

"I, I, everything before was me, Issei. It had nothing to do with what Rias wanted," Akeno assured skittishly, "I-I just took the opportunity to deal with something personal while I was here. That's all. P-Please believe me."

Her hands had moved to her lap and her head was down, but only just as far as she could manage without breaking eye contact. She looked more like a child that had been caught red handed than the confident woman he'd just bedded.

Crouching down before her, the young man's hands found their way to hears. He got a peek of interest out of her when his thumb started rolling gently across the top of her hands. He sent Akeno a smile and gently urged her to continue. She was hesitant, naturally but with enough longing looks into the woman's eyes and some time for her to calm down, he finally got what the most popular girl in school wanted with him.

Demonism.

She wanted to make him a demon.

It was a process, Akeno had explained, for converting other creatures into a weaker Devil. It was created after some war between the supernatural factions that, when it was all said and done, resulted in drastic loss of numbers all around. To restock, the pure bloods had taken to creating new devils through 'Evil Pieces' that all together came to be known as a masters Peerage.

Akeno had moved on to try and sell the idea. Quoting a longer life, a chance for rank promotions, a higher grade of living, his eventual Peerage and how he could acquire more women in it ("I don't mind sharing, Issei."), the benefits of being a servant of the Gremory like her and such.

It sounded wonderful, honest to goddess. Like the kind of super deal that only came once in a life time that your parents always warned you about and you'd think about wistfully fifty years later on how you didn't take the chance. It was a risk, it was life changing and he was honestly considering it. He just needed to know something.

"Akeno," Issei had cut off the woman's reassurance of how this was the best idea in the world, "How does this affect the soul?"

"The soul?" Akeno mimicked him, completely off guard. "What do you mean Issei? Are you worried for your soul?" She paused. "Are you religious Issei?" The Japanese beauty asked, perplexed, like this one consideration had finally made it-self known in what was no doubt an elaborate plan by the collective demons to get him onto their side.

Issei sent the woman a grin, "Something like that," was his vague answer.

"…Well," her body shifted and she sent him an uncomfortable look. It didn't seem like Akeno cared for these kinds of topics, "you'd still…have a soul. Your soul. Yo-ou're not suddenly a different person or anything. A-and just so you know, everyone regardless of species; demons, fallen angels, angels, humans, vampires, youkai, all the supernatural return to the cycle of rebirth after death. It's very rare that something is born that doesn't conform to this system." She explained insecurely.

"It doesn't, you know, make my soul utterly inhuman or anything right?"

"No?" Akeno shook her head, beautiful hair trailing back and forth, "The only thing that changes is your body, Issei. Nothing else."

Well. That certainly made the deal all the more appealing. "Okay, thank you for explaining it to me." Akeno gave him a small smile, "though there is one thing I should say before we, well, I assume we're going to meet with Rias right?"

"Mhmm, if you're feeling up to it,"

"Right," Issei acknowledged.

Then he lit up the room with silver light.

_**I**_t had been hard to get Akeno to calm down. He made a dive for her before she let off, which Issei considered to be entirely reflexive and not a conscious effort to hurt him, lightning blast right to his face. The next twenty minutes were promptly spent doing everything in his power to reassure her that he was in fact the real Issei Hyoudou and not a supernatural in disguise.

While pinning her to his bed, and taking looks down her shirt.

In retrospect, maybe he shouldn't have just blasted the room with light and told her quietly? Probably.

When he did get her calm, the teenager went on to explain what'd happened after he escaped the madness. His trip in the taxi, his talk with a goddess (with Akeno going a bit pale by this point) and his ascension to an exalted; everything that had led up to that point in the morning where he woke up with her right beside him.

"Though I'm curious," Issei admitted as he finished up his exposition. He gave her a wry eye, "Why didn't you realize I was, you know, err," Akeno had trouble understanding what his status was; which the teenager didn't blame Akeno for given its alien nature to their world. The closest they managed to get to its concept was 'demigod'. "Blessed?" He finally spitted out a term.

Akeno stared at him, glancing to the side and returning with a hesitant look, "I…did Issei. I checked before I leaped. You didn't register."

Huh

"Or rather, you were just one big static on the magic radar so to speak. I," she stopped to gather her thoughts before elaborating. "I thought it was your sacred gear doing it."

"Sacred gear?" Issei ticked around in his brain for that. Akeno was moving to explain but he held up a hand, "No, wait, let me try."

"Try what?" Akeno asked, perplexed.

He grinned, "I'll explain later,"

It didn't feel strange at all to channel motes for him. He'd just, mere minutes ago, blared the room full of light on a whim. Not even a day ago, he'd thought it all just a dream or fantasy. Something no man could hope to achieve. Now? Now it came as natural to him as breathing, even if he didn't fully understand everything about it.

He reached into his excellence, the very pillar of his being and _pulled_.

…And got nothing.

"Huh," Issei scratched his head. "Hey Akeno, if you could give knowledge of sacred gears any kind of assignment, what would it be?"

"Assignment?"

"Yeah. Like for example. Would you say it involved the supernatural and spiritual, or was this something that was just really well known in books and I'm just an illiterate scrub or-"

"Its, It's an artifact from god Issei. An inborn blessing. Supernatural." Akeno was giving him a very weird look right now. Well, he had it coming with how he was acting.

Issei gave the woman a very serious nod. He knew what he had to expand to get the information he needed now. His kind wasn't made for this kind of tweaking, he thought, given how the chosen of lunar focused on a base that built off it-self, rather than the specializations of other celestials. But he certainly had enough celestial given juice to focus on one or two abilities.

Knowledge flooded his mind. It was like euphoria of understanding. A sudden surge of comprehension like which Issei Hyoudou had never experienced before in his life had taken hold of that adorable grey matter of his, lifted it up, crammed it with as much about the supernatural world as physically possible and stirred violently. It wasn't painful, just nauseating and lasted for but a moment.

He turned his attention to the woman on his bed. She was giving him a concerned look. He squinted at her, remembering the wings she had before they started, "You," he began, dramatically pointing at her, "are a demon and an Evil Piece,"

"…Yes?" Akeno blinked.

"And given your power," Issei licked his lips. Excellence tickled at his brain. He mumbled something incoherently before giving her a skittish look, "You're Rias's Queen piece right?"

"Yes, that's true Issei." Akeno confessed, "Did you guess that or?"

"I'm used my phenomenal cosmic powers to determine it." Issei boasted weakly.

"But I'd have told you if you just asked me Issei," Akeno knitted her eyebrows, confused.

"I'm trying to get used to it. I've had this power for all of a day."

"Uh huh, well," The Japanese beauty had flipped her wrist. A rune lit up into the air and from it dropped a smart phone, "Do you mind if I go call Rias and let her know we're coming? I want to tell her about your, uh, current status."

"N-no wait, um, um," Issei searched his mind for something, anything to prove his no doubt juggernaut like mind in deciphering the magical world. He snapped his fingers when inspiration hit, "Those angels (?) from before, they were," he took a moment to channel his power, "They were _fallen angels_. They are individuals who fell from heaven by leaving the grace of God because they had sinned through impure thoughts. And their ranks are determined through the amount of wings they have."

Akeno , who had given him a look that was mixed between a mother who was humoring a small child and a lady friend who was clearly unimpressed with a male friends antics, had gotten up and was pushing her-self off the bed. Issei's sudden explanation on things he knew he shouldn't know must have caught her attention, since Akeno stopped, looked at him and sat her-self down with a puzzled complection. "That's right Issei." She admitted, bewildered.

"And because those two from before only had one set…They were on the lower rungs." Issei had taken to pacing around his room, examining the fascinating information that had literally just formed in his mind. "And their spears were," he licked his lips, dipping more into the power, "_Spears of light_, a left over ability from their previous angelic lives. A light-type weapon made of un-pure holy magic. It's tainted by the fall but still retains most of its previous power. Meaning it's still dangerous."

"Yes, that's right Issei." She watched the young man move around his room, completely absorbed in his own thoughts.

"And because it's a holy power, when it hit you it'd have been," Issei found him-self slowing down, "You'd have been," His head started to dip, as the ramifications of what would have happened weighted down, stopping in his tracks "Y-you'd…I-I, I hadn't realized, Akeno. W-what would have happened if-"

If it had hit her, the poisonous nature of the light weapon could have truly taken her life. With all the blasts and how the supernatural's seemed to just tank things that would have ended him in a moment, he hadn't truly thought about it. It was something he understood now. And it was a realization that had shaken him.

He felt a gently tug on his jacket, calling for his attention. By luck, he'd landed right in front of Akeno when the understanding of last night's events hit him. He turned to the woman and found her with a sweet and understanding smile. "It's okay," she reassured quietly, "Thank you, Issei. For helping me live to see tomorrow. "

She was completely sincere. Akeno had just been repeating what she said earlier, of course, but with this idea of just how far her life was on the line he'd finely grasped how close she'd been to leaving this world. And understood how nonchalantly he shrugged off her tiny thanks, concerned with simple dating.

He felt horrible.

"So," she started, letting go of his jacket. Her demeanor had taken a complete turn. She leaned back a bit on the bed and stretching out her arms with her fingers interlaced. A loud cracking filled the room as she popped her knuckles and sent him a coy look, "since you're getting the idea now of the Why, how about taking up that offered boyfriend position~?"

"Ahaha," his eyes veered off from her visage. Like that, the tension of the situation was gone.

"No dice?" Akeno pouted

"…Well," He wasn't looking at her. Before Issei had been pretty solid on the idea of not dating anyone but now he thought he understood Akeno a bit better.

But was it enough? Or rather, was he willing to take the step forward into this territory that, well, frankly nearly got him killed?

He knew she wasn't Yumma. And his fears weren't justified in the slightest. And it wasn't her fault for anything.

But

Two hands found their way to his cheeks. It was a familiar warm sensation, "Issei," Akeno called for his attention with a soothingly voice. Issei hadn't even notice her get up off the bed, "I don't want to push. It's not exactly classy to be asking the day after you've broken up with a troublesome woman, and I did promise I'd wait, but"

In the center of his bedroom, standing close to one another, Issei Hyoudou was lead to look into the very affectionate stare of the lovely Ms. Himejima. A deep purple glimmering with hope; they were beautiful; there just wasn't any other way to put it.

"But if you would let me," Akeno swallowed, "I would walk with you in this every step of the way."

You know, once upon a time. About a day ago probably. Issei could have told you the number of shounen fueled fantasies he had. A pop culture revolving around young adult literature and high school students going on adventures can put a lot in your head, you know?

So naturally, in that tiny part of him that wished for a less nerdy life be like those normalfags that go and do normal, socially acceptable things; the two collided in some slapdash mix that didn't know where it was going or what it wanted.

Though all of those little fantasies had at least one thing in common: a really pretty girl in his arm and now Issei was living that dream.

No wait. Two muscular arms found them-selves snaking around Akeno's waist. It was an anxious move, almost like they hadn't decided whether they wanted to complete the journey and stay or if a courageous retreat was preferable. In the end they found them-selves securely around her, holding tight. _Now_ he was living the dream.

Akeno's eyes had followed his down and watched the young man. She could feel it, obviously but this was the kind of extra confirmation anyone would want. The beauty gave him a fleeting shy look at his action and moved her hands down to clasp her arms around his neck. Her appearance was asking if he'd made a decision.

He took in a breath, exhaled and foreheads found them-selves connected to one another once more. "Okay," Issei finally announced.

"Are you sure?" Akeno asked politely. She was checking, the teenager thought, if he'd suddenly back out of the relationship. He gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Issei was really starting to love the way she smiled. Not just how pretty it was but all those warm fuzzy feelings he was getting every time her face lit up. Like he was getting this giant neon light saying he didn't screw up and this was his much appreciated reward. "Let's give it a try."

"Mmm, prove it then." Akeno's look turned sly and she tugged him in closer, "seal it with a kiss~." He watched her close her eyes, lips puckered, waiting for Issei to make his move.

So he did as commanded and pulled her into a kiss. One that she returned with fervor.

_**I**_t wouldn't be till late that night that the two had dared to arrive at the doors of the Occult Clubs clubhouse. The kiss had, uh, gone on a little too long. Hands roamed and groped. Getting pulled onto the bed by Akeno. Clothing was being stripped…

They hadn't gone at it for nearly as long as before. There wasn't much time left in the day and Rias was still waiting, Issei thought. So they kept it to a quickie. Or the closest two supernatural entities with more stamina than either knew what to do with could get to achieving such a concept.

Of course the first thing out of Akeno's mouth when they finished was "Oh sure, I have to fight you tooth and nail for the relationship but you're perfectly fine with bending me over the bed~" she teased.

Any further comments was promptly interrupted via receiving a rather furious phone call from the President of the Occult Club wondering what was taking Akeno so long to get there, to which the woman gave him a sheepish apology and excused her-self to answer it.

Ten minutes later, she'd returned with a tentative smile and asking if he was ready to go.

He looked at the clock. It was ten at night by now. Issei bit his lip. The teenager wasn't exactly looking forward to crossing the distance to – when he confirmed the destination was in fact the Occult Club house with Akeno – the school with how dark it was. They could risk retaliation from the fallen, given what happened.

When he shared his concerns the beauty stared at him like he'd grown another head. Then, snapping her fingers when the proverbial light bulb lit up, smiled and took his hand. "It'll be fine. Just hold my hand and trust me."

She took out a piece of paper, marked by an arcane symbol and crushed it in her hand, chanting an odd language. Within moments they'd been engulfed in light and before Issei knew it, he was standing before a foreign building.

The, from the looks of it school building, gave off a rustic feeling, with plant life crawling along the walls being it's more definite feeling. He could only see this much in the dark because of how all the lights inside were simultaneously on. Issei turned to Akeno in confusion and the pretty lady just stepped forward and pulled his hand to get the teenager to follow.

The inside of the club house had been Victorian in décor, furnished appropriately and remarkably defined. The greeting room had been far larger than what he'd have expected looking from the outside. Indeed, with a glance around and some supernatural power he'd determined it was…

Issei furrowed his brows. A type of dimensional magic? He knew it was possible, vaguely, with what his mind had received. The young man just didn't know it could have been used on this level.

That was probably due to his current level. Some more celestial power placed into his knowledge on the occult might just fix that little problem.

Standing at the front of a pair of stairs was the foreign beauty her-self, Rias, smiling. Behind her was on the right was Kiba, looking somewhat apologetic. On her left was a new face as far as demon strike force members went. But he knew who she was.

Koneko was the adorable, quiet, petite mascot girl of the occult club. An adored first year student that was on the radar the moment she stepped through the school's threshold. Or so his friend Matsuda constantly proclaimed while staring longingly at photos of her.

"…Creepy." Koneko announced. Issei squeaked when he finally realized he'd been staring and glanced away. They'd come to a stop at the center of the room with Rias meeting them half way. She held a confident swerve of the hips with her walk that Issei was most enjoying.

"Welcome, Issei, to the Occult Research club." Rias greeted them with a winning smile, "I'm sure you're familiar with my day time identity already but let me reintroduce my-self. My name is Rias Gremory, a high-class demon and heiress to the Gremory family."

Wings unrolled from her back. Kiba and Koneko followed suit, sprouting the same leathery wings from theirs. "And these are my precious subordinates, Yuuto Kiba and Koneko Toujou."

"Good evening," Kiba offered, bowing a bit to them. Such a courteous man. Issei offer the man a nod, and a mental thank you for his sanity amongst the chaos that was yesterday's events. He didn't like the thought of being thankful to the prettiest boy in school but he had greater things to consider now.

"…Hello." Was the sole expressed greeting from koneko. So cute!

"And of course, you know Akeno," Her expression turned coy at 'know'. He felt his hand squeezed and glanced to the woman beside him. Akeno was sporting a mix of smug knowing and a cat like twitch of the lips.

"President." Akeno greeted.

Expectant stares found them-selves on him. It took him a moment to register what they were after but when he did the young man all but blurted it out, "Good evening, my name is Issei Hyoudou. Please take care of me."

"Of course," Rias turned to Akeno, "I'll take him to the meeting room. So could you perhaps prepare some tea?"

"Yes president." Akeno answered obediently. Then, gently, she tugged him down to peck a kiss on his cheek. He didn't resist it. Letting him go, the young lady went on her way to fetch the requested tea. The demoness sent a look at Rias as she walked by the hostess. The president rolled her eyes.

Funny. He could have almost sworn he'd have thought such a behavior was a great discovery a day ago. Now it just seemed to be a part of the greater whole he or anyone else in the school failed to notice about the top great lady of Kouh academy.

"Now, Issei," Another set of arms found them-selves attached to his. The young man soon found him-self looking into a pair of familiar emerald eyes. "There's so much I'd like to talk with you about. If you'd be willing to step right this way we can get started on our discussion?"

Press. Squish.

And Issei was nodding dumbly at the pretty lady with large breasts. "Excellent!" She announced cheerfully and pulled him the entire way. Heaven, he thought, could have been found here in this one moment.

She had taken him to one of the rooms on the first floor. It shared the similar European design, with two couches and a coffee table placed between them. "I hope you don't mind the simplicity of its design Ise. May I call you Ise?" Rias asked, now sitting at the opposite side of him. Akeno had been quicker than he thought; arriving just moments after they'd sat down with a cart of treats and tea. Koneko and Kiba kept behind her couch, standing on her left and right as before.

"Haha, sure," Eyes wandered across the fancy room he'd found him-self in. Then to the lovely and expensive looking paintings hanging off the walls, followed by the purple silken curtains and what looked like a mahogany desk in the back.

Right. Simple.

"Well, Ise, you know why I asked you here tonight yes?" Rias asked, drinking from her served cup. For whatever reason, the three that had greeted them here were in their school uniforms, maybe a club rule? Akeno too had switched out to her uniform. The speed of that was most definitely magic.

But regardless of the reason, he was most definitely thankful. The kouh skirt wasn't exactly the lengthiest cover for decency and with how Rias was crossing her thighs at the moment; Issei was being treated to an amazing show of delicious creamy thighs. Oh yes.

No, wait, he had a girlfriend now. Issei couldn't be lusting after other women not half an hour after he sealed the deal, that was just…that was…

One leg leisurely uncrossed it-self from the other, shifting and with perfect grace the other just as perfect leg took its place. He had caught a glimpse of black frills. His mouth hung open.

"Ise? Did you hear me?"

"O-oh, um, yes I know," he had managed to gather up enough wits for a reply. He thanked Akeno when she'd served him some tea. She gave him a look as their fingers brushed together. It wasn't anything romantic or the like. It was a mute expression that could have been simply described as 'I caught you peeking', not that it didn't stop the demoness from having a sly grin as she moved off back to the cart. "You want to turn me into one of your subordinates?"

He took a sip of the tea. Then he paused, looked down at the tea cup and lifted it up into one, long sip. Issei was about to ask for another cup but Akeno had beat him to the punch, tea kettle in hand and refreshing his drink.

"That's right," Rias confirmed as she watched him down another cup and laugh, "Like it?"

"This is the single greatest tea I've ever tasted before in my life." He gave a blissful sigh. Issei called a lot of things heavenly but this was a liquid dream, warmed to perfection and filling him in ways he never knew possible. Another stream found its way to refilling his cup and Issei moved to down his third cup.

"Last refill," Rias announced.

He came to a standstill, cup up and tilted but lips held tight to keep the tea where it was. He eyed the Red head taking a sip from her cup, than lower it back down to its plate. "Club rule," She announced, "To be fair."

Issei turned his attention back to his cup and the steamy tea inside, than quietly lowered it back down to its plate without complaint. He figured that rule was more in place to keep the members focused enough to stay on track but got the message. Rias smiled when she concluded he understood.

"So," Issei decided to get back on track. He watched Akeno move around the room to the others, probably to see if they wanted anything. She had a noticeable bounce in her step. "You wanted me to join your uh," He took a second to remember how Akeno worded it, " 'family'?"

"Yes," Rias admitted openly.

"That's why you were chasing after me last night?"

"Of course, Ise. Well," Rias frowned, "we knew the Fallen had been watching you for awhile now. So we had someone tail you just in case."

Koneko bit into the fork she'd been given, one hand used to hold up the plate with a slice of cake on it. She held up her free hand right after Rias mentioned that. Issei assumed that meant she was the one that had been assigned to shadow him. The underclassman had been responsible for saving his life by calling in the Calvary. Issei smiled at her and nodded in the little girl's direction.

She returned it with a stoic expression before going back to her cake.

"Aha," Rejected. That stung, "and you wanted me to join you because of my sacred gear?" By this point Akeno had moved on and away from the cart, past his vision and standing behind his couch. Not with him. Issei frowned. He hoped that was just another strange rule the club had. About discussions anyway.

"Mmm," she hummed in affirmation, "Before we found out about your new condition that is." The red head stared at him curiously.

He took a sip of his tea, looking to the side. Issei was clearly uncomfortable with her looks.

"May I…see it?" She finally asked the inevitable question.

"My anima?" Issei knew where that line of questioning went. Misunderstandings. Best he clarifies it before the girlfriend gets sexy ideas.

"Yes please."

Silver essence filled the room, shinning brilliantly against the wooden frames of the room. Rias gasped at the sight and leaned in to have a better look. Kiba gave him a curious gaze, almost like he was trying to decipher the mystery of how his potential comrade was a human light bulb. Koneko watched him with that same expression of hers while nibbling on some cake she had on her fork.

Whenever he did this, Issei thought, it felt like he was hitting a mental light switch. Which wasn't a bad metaphor given he lit up the room like he did. But it was more how it seemed automated, mystifying, like how electricity flowed its way up through the wires to the bulb. He knew this much but the deeper, more intimate reason for why it happened, the science behind how the little glass bulb suddenly had light, was clearly out of his grasp. That's how he felt when he dipped into his exaltations power and let it run its course.

It turned off nearly as quickly as it was flipped on and the room found it-self once more returned to its normal coloring. Issei sipped his tea.

Rias clapped her hands, "Wonderful, Ise! You really are a demigod!"

"Exalted."

"Details," Rias waved off insistence. "Either way, you'd make a wonderful addition to our family Issei. Will you join us? There are so many things the Gremory family has to offer you."

Uncross. Cross. Issei had to resist crossing his eyes.

"I-I have a question before we talk anymore about, well, what you want to do with me." Issei spoke up, trying to keep his calm, "There's something I'd really like to know before I make any decisions."

"Okay," Rias agreed, humoring his request, "Go on."

"What's my sacred gear? Or, rather, where is it? I can't find it anywhere in my body." Issei asked, entirely serious. It was true. He couldn't feel any strange devices or entities stored within his body.

"…Where…in your body?" Rias repeated incredulously.

"I can't feel it." He shorted his question. "I, uh, understand my form on a level most can't. It comes with being a shapeshifter."

Rias licked her lips, "Could you perchance sho-"

"Not before we clear up the sacred gear issue."

"Not even just a litt-"

"No." Issei didn't leave any room for arguments.

"Haa…you're rather stubborn, Ise." Rias took the moment to enjoy a sip from her own cup. And probably to take a moment to wring in that clear excitement she was showing.

"Alright, let me explain," she placed the cup back down, "A sacred gear isn't something that's found in your body, per say. It's a transcendent power placed into part of a human's soul." Issei leaned forward, eager to hear her explanation.

"Think of it as like a third wheel of sorts to the soul structure," she continued as Issei took in everything, "that serves a single function – materializing of the miracle god has given you."

"And you're saying God placed a miracle in me?"

"Yes," Rias nodded, "Though it's said that one in thirty people possess some form of sacred gear. So it's not as amazing as you might think"

So they're not completely uncommon. Okay. "Are you were interested in mine because you think it might be a rare sacred gear?"

"That," The red head admitted, "and even if it wasn't, you're still a gear user. You'd certainly be worth the pieces it'd cost to revive you as a devil."

Issei gave a silent nod as Rias talked about his material worth. The heiress snapped her fingers and in a flash of magical runes, a binder had fallen into her waiting hands. "I don't just add anyone to my family, of course. I have to be selective. I've a limited supply of Evil Pieces, with no refunds if I pick wrong."

She waves the binder back and forth. "As such we've been collecting information on you before the event. And according to what we've found-"

"Isn't that an invasion of privacy?"

Rias adjusted her glasses. Wait what? When did she get those? "What was that? I couldn't hear you over "Thank you for saving my life through your dedication to details and observation"." She flipped the binder open and started to skim the material. Her body language had shifted. It was primmer and proper, strict, kind of like a secretary at some big corporation.

"…You nearly blasted me along with the park you leveled." Issei pointed out dryly.

Akeno suddenly had a coughing fit.

"Issei Hyoudou," Rias started reading off, ignoring his previous comment. "Age 16. Currently a student of Kouh Academy. Occupation none. Attends the 'Go Home Club'. List of friends includes two students by the name of Matsuda and Motohama, together known as the perverted trio."

"Subject gets into fights fairly often, usually due to the consequences of being caught while indulging in his favored hobby of peaking on girls. Other hobbies include reading (porn), anime, video games, mythologies, making clothes and cosplay." Rias narrowed her eyes at the information "His fetishes include school girls, maids, large brea-"

"Wait! W-wait stop! Stop I get it!" Issei was frantic to get the red head to cease before she unleashed something terrible upon him.

"Rias," Issei froze. Oh no, "Might I borrow that binder later ~?"

"Hmm? Oh, sure." Rias agreed.

Issei felt sense of dread creep its way up his spine. He knew the source, and if he hadn't been a smarter man Issei would have turned to the sight of his girlfriend's visage shifted into a promise of twisted delight. He knew what was up and the teenager was already scared. The near constant 'Fufufu's' in the background weren't helping.

"In short," Rias snapped the binder shut, "the general consensus is that you're a lazy good for nothing without any positive future ahead of him." Then she tossed it back behind her into an appearing magical rune. "It's completely, utterly wrong."

"You surprised us, _Mr. Hyoudou._ A clear head, quick wit and fast reflexes are all something we didn't expect you to have. It's an appreciated discovery."

"I," Issei blinked, "I spent most of the time running away, Rias."

"You survived for it Mr. Hyoudou. Do you know how many humans survive an encounter with an aggressive supernatural that wants nothing more than to remove them from this world?"

A sickeningly low number, he imagined.

"Almost zero percent. You are exceptional and beyond our expectations, Mr. Hyoudou." A hand reached up and grabbed the side of the glasses, pulling them off. With a flick of the wrist she had them folded and down in her lap. "In short Ise, I really want you to join my family.

"If not only for the fact that you're an amazing person that can handle the kind of life we live," She locked eyes with Issei, kindness and appreciation shining in those big emerald spheres of hers, "then because of how you saved my life…and more importantly, the life of my best friend."

Akeno squeaked. Rias glanced up from him. Her stare held until a cheeky smile broke out across her lips. Issei could have guessed there was a staring match going on above his head until the red head won out.

Ha, with the way this sacred lady of Kouh Academy behaved half the time, he could really see her as the kind, big sister type. Not just because she had the body for it, oh yes did she have the body for it but there was something more. There was a kind of natural affinity for her servants he was noticing. Natural charisma? No, that alone wasn't enough. What Rias had was more.

She cared and took notice, and strive to make them smile, for her servants at least.

"So I'll ask you properly this time Ise. Will you join my family? You don't have to decide right now. Take some time to think about it and come back-"

"I'll join."

It seemed like a bluntly obvious choice that was being repeatedly bludgeoned into his head. He might was well cut out the wishy washy will I or not nonsense and go straight for the prize.

Rias's face lit up like fireworks. She was giving him a mix of pure joy and unbelief at just how easy that had been. The two behind her gave one another a look. Kiba was looking relieved, while Koneko simply stared back at him. She didn't seem to care either way. And Akeno…

Two hands found their way to his shoulders and squeezed. Issei looked up to see a face nearly as bright and in disbelief as Rias's hovering right over him. He smiled back and she gave him another squeeze.

"Just two things before that," Issei started, lowering his sight back down to hers. He crossed his arms and legs, giving a pointed look at the woman across the table from him. Rias paused, dropped her smile with a mute sigh and returned to her proper position. The demoness had probably thought she'd had just gotten a demi-god like being scott-free. She was mistaken.

"First," Issei held up a finger. "I want my parents to be taken care of. I want my father to never have to work another day in his life." He wanted to make sure the people that, you know, brought him into the world and raised him to the man that had managed to outsmart two brands of supernatural had been properly looked after.

"Done."

Rias said instantly. Issei gave her a suspicious look.

"You're not going to kill them are you?" The teenager knew how wordplay like this could end badly in fiction.

"What? No!" Rias waved her hands defensively, "The Gremory family is extensively wealthy Ise. Taking care of two middle-class Japanese adults and keeping them safe isn't even a dent in the bank."

Honestly, he could believe it. Some of the paintings in this room looked like they were worth more than him and then some.

"Would you like me to give them a castle to while I'm at it? A mansion?"

Wait what.

"I wouldn't mind a bigger house." Akeno offered offhand, lifting a hand to no doubt express her-self somewhere on her face. Issei looked upwards to glare at the woman who was palming her own cheek. "For when I stay over, that is~"

Oi, weren't you just saying an hour ago that you didn't want to push the relationship? This seemed pretty pushy to him.

"It'll be taken care of Ise. Your second request?" Rias motioned for him to continue.

"I want to stop the Fallen." The teenager finally announced after a moment.

"Of course, Ise, we're already-"

"No," Issei stopped her, "I want them stopped immediately. Tonight if we can."

"That's," Rias sent unsure looks up to the one behind him. As if Akeno was supposed to tell Rias about crazy requests and the honey trap she sent had failed to secure the needed information. "We don't know where the Fallen are Ise."

"I can find them. It's part of my magic."

"Truly?"

"Yes."

Tracking them down would be a simple task. It was laying siege to their home base that was the trick. That was something Rias understood. Her expression changed, becoming like an edge. Her joy and girlish glee was gone. Now she was discussing something that could cause the potential death of her servants.

"Ise, as much as I'd like to have them out of our territory, we can't just run head first into the Fallen's homebase. Not when there are four of them and who knows how many assistants to aid them. Last time we were frantically trying to save you and nearly lost some members."

She leveled a look at him. "That was a mistake on my part. I'm not going to repeat it. Understood?"

He conceded to the point. "That goes the same for you. When you turn into a demon, their Spears of Light can and will kill you. Even a scratch could be fatal."

"I know. But we need to do this."

They didn't care. Setting up a barrier in the middle of the day, chasing him across the park and out into the open; he wasn't even sure how Rias was going to fix the damage that was done. The last thing he wanted was for those individuals, with no care for the proverbial masquerade of the supernatural, to let loose and kill of someone he loved in the crossfire.

"Is there any help we could call in to assist a raid on the base?" he inquired.

"Well, yes. But they'd be in equal danger. And we'd owe a debt."

"I'll take the entirety of the debt."

If he was going to ask and make the suggestion, then he'd pay it back him-self.

Rias gave him an appreciative smile, "Thank you Ise. But debts like these can only be decided between Kings."

Oh. Darn.

Rias leaned back into her couch and crossed her arm. "I suppose…" She trailed off, mulling over it. "I suppose it'd be worth it."

"So are we doing it?" Issei was being insistent because this was legitimate serious business.

"Yes. Though give us time to prepare, at least." Rias gave him an amused look. "Will you join us now?"

Well, it wasn't what he quite wanted but…Issei stood up from his seat, wiping off imaginary dust from his pants and offered a hand. Rias stood up her-self and took it, shaking once.

"It'll be a pleasure to work with you, Lady President." He grinned.

"It's good to have you, Mr. Hyoudou." She returned it.

The deal was set.

Issei...would become a devil.

**~End~**

A/N: I really should get like more ways to say "And character a looked at something in this described way." But google search isn't being my friend on this it seems.

Mind the commas. I spent some nights staying up late to write it. So there's an overdose and I don't think I caught everything (the unintentional ones that is).

For a reader that mentioned line breaks – I don't particularly care for them, per say. They just feel kinda rough to me. I'd rather stick with the capitalized first letter that's bolded and italicized. Feels like it sticks out well enough to me.

And as you'll notice, I lost steam near the end. Spent 10.8k words and some 26 pages on the story itself so I wanted to wrap her up and send her out already.

But hey, good news. As long as things stay on track we'll get to see some more what Luna's done to Issei's exaltation next chapter. Maybe. Hopefully.


	3. Chapter 3

So, uh, hope you kids weren't hoping for action or anything. Since there's a distinct lack of action thanks to a certain someone stealing the spot light this chapter. Guess this is what they mean when they say the story writes it-self. Derp.

I don't own this silly.

**~Chapter 3~**

_In the crystalline sanctum of the Astaroth, deep within the boundaries of the Underworld's enclave, sat Ajuka Beelzebub on his sapphire throne._

_Around him were mathematical principles. To the farthest reaches of his domain's walls were crude blackboards labeled with formulas, the in between of each board marked with a mix of jaded statues of dragons and fair maidens. They stretched around the circumference of the room, building them-selves upward, until at the very peak of the room was a single circular board stained with furious erasing. _

_The sharp or even better mathematically inclined could tell that the collective numbers lining over the blackboards were not just arbitrary symbols placed down for aesthetic reasons. They were connected, forming something that followed the spiraling trail of boards upwards and finally accumulating into the final piece that has long since been removed from the face of the world by its creators own hands._

_All together, this made up about 1/100__th__ of the formula used to create the 'Evil Pieces'._

_He sat at the center of an empty room. Its floors were bleached white and old lighting iron lanterns hung from the ceiling in some disorienting mix of modern times and medieval remnants._

_And at the center helm of this demon crafted numerical parade was Ajuka. All around him where crisp holographic images, twirling in circles to the gravitation of his throne. There had to be at least several dozen. On the screens hundreds of thousands of calculations rolled off, only giving mere moments to examine before they were engulfed by the fresh information presented. Ajuka's eyes darted from screen to screen as he pushed at pulled the holograms to and fo with a single hand. _

_He took in everything and memorized it. The millions of numerical data presented on those screens. For the lesser demons, such a task would have been such a monumental achievement to even last a minute. He'd even dare say it would have been a feat worthy of escalating a devil to the rank of High-Class. They'd certainly have his recommendation._

_For him, it was Saturday morning._

_Taking a sip of his early day coffee, the bored devil slouched on his throne. Ajuka looked exceptionally drained, with black marks hanging under the handsome man's eyes. He was not a morning person and he never would be. His eyes idly skimmed over the lines. Nothing of interest had presented it-self amongst the countless return he was getting from the Evil Pieces. It was mere routine, he knew but one could not help wishing for something more a little more exciting._

_Within the system columns and rows of incoming data, there was something off. If you were to ask him what he'd meant by it, Ajuka would tell you it felt "shaky". Calculations were a glorious existence because they were solid; a secure and accurate representation of something, somewhere or someone. Anything could be described in a series of preset mathematical algorithms. These incoming numbers, however long, all represented these ideas in some way._

_Yet the boundaries of reincarnated devils were not so confined. They were a new entity, brought to a devil's threshold on a purely physical adjustment. Elves, Dwarves, Angels, Fallen, Beasts, the Undead. The only exception to the conversion was the intangible, which had no physical form to begin with. Even a Half-God could be converted given the right situation. _

_With that came growth and unpredictable development, uncertainty. A spontaneous power gained, an assertion of will leading to an evolution of existence, the creation of a greater external armor to protect one-self with; and this was but the tip of the influx of unpredictability inherent to the reincarnated devils._

"_Shaky" was just another way of describing what he felt when he sensed something was stepping out of his set boundaries. It had also become an uncommon enough occurrence that he no longer paid it much mind. He turned away from the offending screen, coffee in hand and gave his attention elsewhere._

_Of the countless data collected by the Super Demon, all of it was correct…save for a single number. All the rest around it were perfect, accumulating into the answers he was looking for. But this one number was wrong. It was a single digit within a single number had been switched when Ajuka wasn't looking. The calculations were and weren't registering it. It was showing the answers it _would_ have had while still being a different number. Almost as if the variable had been frozen in place and glazed over, shielded and forgotten._

_And proof that no one was infallible._

_A giggle resonated within the digital matrix. She briefly pondered when he'd realize that such a thing happened, and laughed at the thought._

_She was gone. _

_**R**_ias hadn't wasted any time converting him – she didn't want to take the chance Issei would back out of the deal, from what the young exalt considered. Strike while the iron was hot as they say.

So stepping into some elaborate light show of a rune symbol, Issei met his future mistress at its center. She smiled and lifted her hand up to his chest. The red head previously explained to him the process. The system would automatically sort out your options for an individual based on a set of variables. Such as the amount of pieces you had left. With exactly four minions (the fourth, he'd been told, was locked up for reasons they refused to disclose). Rias still had a good eleven pieces and so believed they had plenty for a demi-god.

Not thinking too hard on why she was presented with a single option, Rias eagerly pushed her piece into Issei and in that moment he could feel his form shift. It felt weird when it happened. Like his entire body had turned into some mushy life form that was being twisted and pulled by eccentricity eight year old trying to make something new out of the slimy makeshift play doh substitute.

Emerald eyes blinked and looked around at the room. There was a resonating lax of the jaws. Even Koneko seemed shock. The only one who wasn't completely flabbergasted at his sudden change was Rias, who had one hand on her chin and another coming up to clasp her elbow, thinking hard on what she was seeing. Putting two and two together Issei clicked his tongue and asked for a mirror from someone.

"O-oh, um," Akeno finally snapped to and summoned forth with the greatest might of her arcane power a rather bland hand mirror. One look into the plain glass proved his suspicions.

The face of Rias Gremory stared back at him, eyebrow crooked and looking amused. Rias handed the mirror back over to Akeno and turned to the real Rias. "Does this always happen?"

"No, this is a first Ise. How interesting."

Rias brushed back his new long red hair imperiously, to check if it was in fact real, then gave the red head an apologetic expression. "Sorry, I didn't know this would happen."

"Oh no no, its fine." The red head assured him. "You are a new shape shifter, after all. It's entirely understandable."

Rias smiled at Rias. "Thanks Rias."

And if this little spontaneous event had taken place, then... Rias poked around his grey matter, adding in some exalted glory juice and stirred. "Rias," The young exalt turned beautiful lady called for her attention, "Could you check how many pieces you have left?"

He could sense the piece inside. The moment it entered into his form it dissolved within the body and spread. Like one of those really contrived fantasy settings with supernatural nano-machines the author couldn't really make too much sense of and just sort of wiggled their fingers saying 'magic'.

Rias mirrored the thinking stance Rias had taken. He could feel the bountiful flesh hanging off his chest squish together and was…surprisingly okay with that. Or rather, he wasn't getting the usual reaction he had in regards to contact with such things. It was probably due to his lack of male genital at the moment.

Rias was totally going to go stare at him-self naked in the mirror later though.

A very definite pop echoed through the room, sending a button arching through the air and bean Yuuto Kiba right between the eyes. The force of the impact had sent him falling back and crashing into the room's nice plush carpet. Rias looked at the young man then back down to his black button top. His top cleavage was now on view for all to see.

"…Aha, well," He laughed embarrassingly, "It wasn't made to restrain this sort of thing. Sorry Kiba." Rias coughed while Akeno made her way behind the couch to check on the young demon.

"I already checked Ise," Rias gave him a knowing nod, ignoring the knock out of her personal bishounen. The red head could see where Rias was going with this. "You…you only took one piece." The demoness licked her lips.

"Pawn?" Rias went for the most obviously absurd answer first.

"Pawn."

_Fascinating_

"Issei, Issei," The Exalt could feel someone jerking his jacket enthusiastically. He looked down at a slightly more expressive Koneko. When did she sneak up on him like that? "Me next." She demanded cutely.

Squee.

"Err, maybe later Koneko?" The young lady gave him the kind of disappointed, heart breaking look that only a stoic girl that only ever asked for one thing in her life could have ever given. "Please?"

He didn't want to tell Koneko that he _couldn't_ turn into her just yet. That kind of form wasn't registered in him.

"I'll, uh," think fast Rias think fast, "I'll turn into a doggie after this alright? Then we can play."

"Doggie?" She lifted her head up slightly, eyes shining a bit. Rias thought this was the closest the girl got to 'perking up at something that caught her interest'.

"Yes, a Doggie. Do you like dogs Koneko?"

"Yes." She nodded slowly. This was probably first time he'd ever seen her so energetic about anything, given a certain definition of energetic for her. It was adorable.

Rias placed a hand on Koneko's head and rubbed it. She was surprisingly receptive to his touch. "Then just wait a bit and you can play with a doggie, okay?" The young exalt felt like jerk using the term 'doggie' like he was talking to a child. But she was responding in kind to him so.

"…Okay." Koneko pushed her head into his hand and closed her eyes while Rias rubbed her. She almost looked like a kitten being petted.

"Ise," Rias called back for his attention, "would you mind if I checked you for being a demon?"

"I can feel the pawn in my system, Rias," Rias answered honestly, still petting his younger classmate. He was going to enjoy this for as long as it lasted.

"I know you can feel it but I wanted to check to be sure." She smiled, "Because Shape shifter."

Rias rolled his eyes at Rias. "Sure, have it at."

Rias held out her hand and from a flash of runes dropped something. A single handled device with two small and thin arms at the side. They looked like they lit up.

Rias double took at the item in Rias's hands. He could not keep the grin off his face. "No way."

Rias smirked, "Way."

She lifted it up to him and hit the button. The two arms moved upward to full mast, flashing brightly. Rias sucked in a breath and was barely able to contain his excitement, eyes lit up like a child that had just found its favorite toy.

"I want one!" He declared immediately.

"Naturally! All my loveable servants get one," Rias flicked her hair imperiously. She knew she had the better, and nerdier, tool. Rias didn't notice. He was too busy staring at his new favorite thing in the world.

"Do it again! Do it again!" Rias called childishly, clapping his hands, inner child button had just been pushed.

"Oho~?" Rias froze, "I think that's the most excited I've seen you, Issei."

The 'Fufufu's' that followed did not bold well for the young man. He'd turn to look at her but Rias was smarter than that. The young exalt knew it'd just end in bone chilling pain.

Rias, ever the helpful sort, licked her lips and smirked, "So Ise, if you had to choose between Akeno and one of these," She wiggled the meter to emphasize it, "which would you pick?"

"The mete- A-akeno! I would choose Akeno!" Rias yelled quickly. His stutter did not go unnoticed. Rias was grinning like mad and he could practically feel the stare at his back. It was the kind of world crushing look that struck horror into the bravest of men to even be within the peripheral vision of, let alone at the center of her gaze.

"Fufufu," Akeno responded and Issei felt a cold sweat develop, "so that's where I stand on the pecking order. I see. I see." She commented nonchalantly. Like she was trying to be completely neutral in her response but failed miserably when Issei felt her stare right on his back.

"Jealous~?" Rias asked impishly. You are not helping!

"I'm not jealous of a toy, Rias." She stated defensively.

"A-akeno," Kiba called out from behind the couch, "C-could you let go of my arm? You're crushing me…"

Akeno looked down at where ever Kiba was and released her grip, if Kiba's audible sigh was any indication. "Oops, um, sorry Kiba." She apologized for loosing focus.

Rias turned to Rias, who was still grinning. "…So," Rias started, moving back to the precious topic, "Am I legit?"

Rias took a look at the listed measuring. She frowned and starting messing with the contraption. Rias watched the woman work and knew, vaguely, where this was leading, "Hold on, I think I've got the wrong setting."

A few clicks later and another scan had left the demoness perplexed, "That's odd."

"Was that the same thing Akeno used to check me earlier?" Rias checked to make sure.

"An older model of this, yes. I thought for sure I could get something on mine…" Rias drifted off and fiddled with more of the switches. Rias nodded knowingly and obligingly stood there without a fuss. This was going to take awhile.

"Issei, Issei" Koneko called for his attention. She was glaring up at the red head. Realizing he'd stopped his scratching, and more importantly amused by her insistent need for attention, continued his head petting. She purred at his continued touch.

"Speaking of shape shifting," Rias continued, calling back Rias's attention, "Could you shift back to your real form? Is that what it is now? I want to scan you while you're out of that form."

"No hope in discovering if I'm the real Rias or not?" Issei asked innocently.

Rias gave a strained smile to him, "We're practically twins."

Rias grinned at the woman. The world shifted and lowered, filled with the glowing brilliance of his essence. Brown eyes stared into Emerald spheres with amusement. "Is this more to your liking, M'lady?" Issei asked sarcastically, doing his best to take up an upper twit heroic voice.

"Mmm, it is~." Akeno replied in Rias's place and Issei could feel her gaze trailing up and down his body. He proceeded to ignore the beauty in favor of continuing to pet Koneko who in turn was surprisingly affectionate. Such a cutie.

"Right then." Rias held up the meter to Issei and clicked a button, "Let's just have a look shall…we…" She trailed off, "…Haa…Akeno." She called. It was the kind of strong, commanding tone that booked no repute.

The Queen had quickly made her way to Rias and the meter was tilted it in the Japanese beauty's direction, "You know more about the occult than I do. Explain."

Akeno looked over the meter's readings and bit her lap, sending the young man unsure glances. "He didn't read properly when I scanned him before. It thought it was his sacred gear," It looked like that was the only answer she could give her King.

"Am I not getting a reading?" Issei inquired.

"Hold on," Rias told him and fiddled with the mechanisms controls. Then she held it up to him and took another scan. "…Haa, like before, you're just registering static. How frustrating," Rias declared without any real energy. Her eyes shot up between Issei and the device in her hands, utterly perplexed by the confusing readings she was getting.

"Honestly? It's probably the Shard."

"Shard? Oh, the uh," Rias moved her free hand around in a way that made it seem like she was trying to emphasize what she was about to ask. Or stall for time while she tried to recall exactly what he'd told Akeno. Or both, "shounen spirit upgrade a goddess shoved into your soul?"

A pause, "You know what?" Come to think of it, "It's close enough." Issei admitted. That was totally how he was going to describe it to people from now on.

"So," Rias looked down at her meter hesitantly, bit her lip and then glanced back up at him. The red head gave him a queer eye, "Can you feel the piece in you?" She got to the point.

"Yes. I mentioned it before." It was vague presence but he could still make out the bare existence.

"Mmm," Rias winked one of her eyes shut and tilted her head to the side in hard concentration, brows furrowing. "…and I can feel you. Barely." She confirmed, running a hand through her hair.

Opening her eye the red head finally gave him an un-satisfied shrug. "I guess we'll just have to live with that for now. I'll send a report to the head of the Evil Pieces research division. See what they can come up with on reasons why this is happening. Beyond 'he's a shape shifter'."

"Sure," Issei smiled apologetically at the red head for the second time that night, "Thanks Rias,"

She just waved him off with a grunt. The demoness was clearly discontent with the lack of certainty the meter probably provided usually. He turned to Akeno, who blinked at him. She looked just as clueless on it as Rias had been. "Oh well?" The Japanese beauty volunteered, shrugging like her King had done.

"Akeno, would you mind taking Ise home for the night? We've got an early morning tomorrow. To everyone else, good night." Rias called out as she made her way to the door, then stopped and turned around to look Issei in the eyes. It lasted for little more than a second before she left but…

Issei thought he'd frustrated her with the, you know, freaking out scans. But a quick glance at her eyes revealed a mischievous glint that made him feel a tad uncomfortable for what lay in the future for him.

With the door closing behind her, the room had reached an awkward silence. Akeno standing next to him, with Koneko still enjoying his attention; though by now she'd taken to placing her hand onto his and encouraging him when he forgot to continue. Oi, he needed that back eventually.

"Sorry," Kiba broke through the awkwardness, offering the exalted the fallen button. "She's just a bit stressed right now. I'm sure she'll get over the confusion in the morning."

"Thanks," Issei took the button back. Kiba nodded with a small smile, "Um, sorry, about the, you know." The young man rubbed the back of his head with his free hand.

Kiba chuckled, "Its fine," he rubbed the afflicted area with his hand, "Akeno already took care of the damage. Just be careful where you aim those next times, alright?"

Wait.

Did he just?

"Yuuto Kiba," Akeno took on the voice of an older sister seeing a sudden and humorously startling development in a younger sibling. Her lips took a cat like twitch, "Did you just make a joke?"

Kiba. Mister politeness. The upbeat if quiet young heart throbs of Kouh Academy. Just cracked a joke. A rather pointed joke about Issei's bust size.

"I make jokes." He kept a stoic expression, almost acting like he didn't care about the woman that was up in his face about it. Akeno had that rare cat like smile, looking akin to an older sibling that had just caught a little brother acting out of character and approving it.

Bluh. Was this how these people acted in private? Between Akeno's invasions of personal spaces, to Rias's apparent hobbies, to Kiba's dropping facade to Koneko's surprising need for attention. His whole built up world was crumbling before him within the space of a day.

And Issei really couldn't bring him-self to care about it either.

"Heel girl," Issei commented as he took the Beauty's hand and tugged her way from the pretty boy. He didn't want her teasing the bishounen until he caved. That sounded like it could take all night and Issei needed his sleep, "Save it for the morning."

Akeno gave a playful look to Issei, half resigned to his request and half tempted to continue pestering the young man. "This isn't over Kiba."

"Mmm, so," Kiba clapped his hands together, completely ignoring Akeno's last threat for her continued harassment. "I believe its time you take Issei back home. We're going to have an early start tomorrow morning." He glanced down at the purring younger girl. "Say good night Koneko."

"…Ise promised me a dog." Koneko stated, adopting Rias's given pet name.

Kiba looked at Issei expectantly. Issei fished out his smart phone and had a look at the time. It was nearly midnight. He gave the pretty boy a hesitant expression, "How early do we need to be here in the morning?"

"I'd say around five, six maybe."

That wasn't so bad, really. But it was Sunday. His one appreciated day of sleeping in. "Not seven?"

"No, I'm sorry." Kiba gave the man an understanding nod, "Rias likes us up early to handle business. There are quite a few people that like to summon us on Sunday mornings. Or Saturday night for that matter; we had to ignore our clients to clean up after this emergency." He explained.

Issei groaned. That sounded just reasonable enough to shut out any complaints for a longer sleep time.

"I'm sorry Koneko." His apology was met with her holding onto his hand on his head a little harder, "I'll, uh," he quickly started to think of a good alternative, "I'll stay as a doggie through the meeting."

"…Really?" Koneko questioned his resolve. Issei gave her a serious business nod.

"Yes. I will be your doggie for the _whole_ meeting."

Koneko took a moment to consider this, before letting up on the death grip she'd placed on his hand in the face of a much nicer alternative provided for her. Issei rubbed his sore hand. Girl was a powerhouse despite her tiny size. Was it that demon power she was running off of?

Well, judging from the whiffs he was getting, she smelled something like a cat. He should look into that later.

"Ready to go?" Akeno asked, slipping out another piece of paper and holding it up.

"Yeah. Good night, you two."

"…Good night Ise," Koneko said quietly. Kiba smiled and gave his own good night as the two of them were engulfed in light.

It only took mere moments to land back into his room. He wasn't sure how one could describe…transferring through dimensional space (?), was like to those who hadn't experienced the wonders of traveling instantaneously from one spot to the next. But if he was forced to do so at gun point, Issei would probably articulate this very delicate response in regards to the physics involved, while sweating profusely, that it was most definitely one hundred percent "Bullshit magic."

Issei looked at the runic symbol that'd appeared under them after the jump shrink it-self into non existence before immediately turning to his girlfriend, "teach me how to make those," the young exalt asked.

"I don't mind teaching you after we deal with The Fallen," Akeno smiled. It was hard to see given the time of night and lack of lights left on before they went, "or any other kind of magic we've been waving around in front of you. I see the way you look at it," she teased.

"Do you really blame me?" Issei asked, "It's the first time I've seen _real_ magic." What little boy within every grown man wouldn't squeal at the ability to fling around fire balls and shoot laser beams out of their eyes? All he needed was the ability to turn into a dinosaur shooting lasers out of its eyes and breathing ballistic rockets while being decked out in power armor with an 'S' symbol on it and some golden hair and he'd have the ultimate childish fantasy.

His power would be maximum.

Issei snapped his fingers, something suddenly occurring to him, "Right, about spells. You said before that you put a sleep spell on my parents?"

"They'll wake up in the morning," Akeno assured him, "and I'll check on them when I come to pick you up to make sure everything's alright."

"So you can meet my parent's right?" Issei joked, though he sounded a little strained.

"No."

There was a pause. Issei blinked and looked at the beauty next to him, "I mean," she started, giving him a small smile, "I wouldn't mind meeting them, Issei but you want to keep the relationship a bit more…slow?" Akeno asked, sounding tentative.

"…Yeah," Issei confirmed it. She smiled and snaked her arms under his, wrapping around his back.

"I tease and joke, I know but I really did mean it when I said we can take it as slow as you want." She leaned in and found comfort resting her chin on his shoulder. "So don't mind if I say some things. Treat what I do as proof that I'm willing to wait." She re-declared.

She didn't seem sad or hesitant about her. No, only a solid confidence was see-able in that voice of hers.

Issei didn't immediately follow her example but did eventually, wrapping his arms around her upper body and giving a squeeze "Yeah, sorry about this."

"Mmm, its fine," she said soothingly, "just…make sure to give me some attention every once in awhile, okay? I want to know you've got some interest in being together."

"Yeah," Issei repeated the phrase a third time. He hummed and enjoyed the way she nuzzled up into his neck and pressed up into him. They stayed like that, enjoying one another's warmth and enjoying the pleasant silence that had taken to the room.

"So my love rivals a toy huh?" Akeno teased, finally speaking up.

Issei groaned.

"It must be all that flashing she does, I imagine. Puts on a show for you. I understand." She giggled.

"Not going to let that go are you?" he squeaked.

"Never~" He couldn't see her but given how she was rubbing her cheek into him Akeno was probably smiling a little too much over her fun.

Honestly, this girl. Yet, he couldn't help but feel a smile creep its way onto his face.

"Hmm," He started, moving a bit to the left, then a bit to the right. He got them into a bit of a sway. Back and forth, like cradling. "Guess I'll just have to…" The teenager had an awkward break of thought as he tried to formulate something absurdly romantic to tell his new significant other. "…Treat you nice?"

Good job, Issei. Pat your-self on the back.

All her movements came to a screeching halt, mid swing, as she no doubt contemplated his feeble attempts to sound suave. He received a laugh for his efforts, "Well, points for effort I suppose."

Then she gently broke from his arms and smiled impishly at him. "But I think I should go. This totally isn't because you suck at this or anything. It's because," she took a passing look at the clock; past midnight by this point. "We both need to be up at six. Good night Issei."

"Aha, good night" Her specification didn't help but he knew she really just wanted to get some sleep. She stepped away from him and pulled out another paper. "So, um, how about a…good night kiss?" He tried.

Akeno stood there, seal in hand, considering something. Finally, her face lit up as something hit. Placing two fingers on her lips, she pressed them then quickly lifted them off to place on Issei's.

"No thanks~ I'm not falling into that kind of time sink again, good sir. I need some sleep." She leveled a look at him, face lighting up. "Because we both know what it'll eventually lead to."

He felt his own cheeks flare.

"_Good night_, Issei." Akeno repeated with more force, though it sounded in good humor, "I'll see you in the morning. Make sure to dream of me, okay~?" She winked.

A crushed paper later and she was gone.

Collapsing onto his bed, hands behind his head, Issei Hyoudou stared up at his ceiling with only one thing on his mind.

" 'Treat you nicely'? Come on Issei, get your act together man."

Sigh.

_**I**_n the beginnings of dawn peaking over the horizon, the Occult Research Club had gathered into their meeting room to discuss the foreign invaders known as the Fallen. Everyone was dressed in their school uniforms. Turned out it really was a rule.

They sat on two couches separated by a coffee table with a map of the city placed atop it. It felt like the same room they'd talked about his joining yesterday; proud, elegant and expensive. Rias was leading the charge on their strategy meeting and seemed to have recovered from last night's confusion.

Sitting on the couch across from him, with Akeno at her side, the red head discussed possible locations for the Fallen to take up residence.

"Frankly, they're probably at the church," Rias said unanimously.

Pointing to it on their map, there was several little figurines placed on the church location. At the moment they carried a likeness to the opponents they faced before but originally they'd just been generic plastic statues. They all looked like big headed tiny bodied figurines now. Poorly made ones even. It was some kind of magic that he hadn't bothered to analyze at the moment, with more important things to attend to.

"While usually I don't assume the enemy B-lines for the most obvious choice, given the Fallen's shown…cough, intellect, I'm almost positive they've chosen this location." Rias commented, which lead to a very loud snort from Issei.

Chew chew.

"Of course we're going to search other locations," Akeno has cut in, leaning over the map. "Empty warehouses, abandoned buildings, even the abandoned ruins on the outskirts of town. Currently we're having our familiars check around the areas we think they could be."

Wait, familiars? They have familiars? He wanted a familiar!

A speck of excellence added in and…Mrrr, they got theirs from a Pet Forest, at specific times of the month and with the help of a guide. He only had a basic understanding of it but it already seemed like a monopoly of resources. What a hassle.

He could just go make his own if it was going to be this much of a pain.

Chew chew

"Though it should be noted that it's mostly for completions sake and ease of mind. Fallen tend to be drawn to places of religious worship, more so abandoned ones than those with active residents. They have a taste for sacrilegious vandalism." Rias explained, to which Issei assumed it was for his benefit more than anyone elses. He'd been in the supernatural business for about a day and a half now, and compared to these experienced individuals he was still new to all of this. "So in a way, the most obvious choice could be blamed on them giving into impulse and desire for some level of comfort. But I really just think it's because this flocks a bunch of idiots."

Issei agreed wholeheartedly. He wrinkled his nose and continued to chew on what he'd stolen from the map while no one was looking.

"Doggie," Koneko, sounding slightly less quiet than usual, was happily petting and scratching the man behind his ears. His head was lying in her lap and she was enjoying her promised pet for the meeting.

It seemed like when Luna infused his very soul with demi-god like power, she'd taken the liberty to influence it with a few things. For example, she had provided an assortment of worldly animals for him to change into from the start. Something he didn't quite get a firm grasp of until he examined over his possibilities last night before sleep finally took him.

One such animal was the Japanese Akita, a decent sized dog native to Glorious Nippon. It turned out a good deal of the forms she'd dropped into him was native. How considerate of his Goddess.

So now the young man was keeping his promise to the younger classmate. On the end of the couch was their resident pretty boy, practically shoved into the corner since Issei was taking up some of the couch him-self to lie on. Sorry Kiba.

"Beyond simply where they have their base of operations, there's also considering what defenses they have. Traps, followers, their own supernatural power; it's all something we need to understand before we go storming the castle, so to speak." The red head acknowledged and something that everyone nodded to in agreement. They didn't want to suffer what they had during their rescue attempt. And he didn't want to go running into the territory of the crazy psycho bitch he used to call a girlfriend without triple checking everything.

She might try to go yandere on him again. And that would be terrible.

"As a rule, Issei," she looked over to the dog boy, "we generally assume the best out of the enemy. Given its Fallen, they've probably loaded their territory full of holy defenses and armaments. They've probably also picked up human followers to aid in repelling invasions."

"Human followers?" Issei asked, though between his own dog mouth and the fact that he was violently chewing on a new toy meant it was difficult to understand him. It sounded more like 'Whuman Wolluers?'

It wasn't intention he swore.

Rias, looking amused at what'd just left the boys mouth, nodded, "Yes, Fallen like to take in stragglers or exiled from the church as henchmen. Usually just to have lackies to push around but some of the crazie- _I mean_ better trained followers is put to use as a fighting force." She politely corrected her-self.

Uh huh. Issei gave her a look, which came off as an adorable peeking from behind Koneko's hands in between her petting.

Rias had moved her finger from the church, across the map to their own location at the club house. Everyone had their own pieces there, including him-self. Theirs looked significantly better crafted and regular headed.

Was the enemy's big heads just to show Rias's irritation at them? Perhaps. Given none of the other groups they have on the map were like theirs.

"Moving on, for our own forces we have one of every evil piece but bishop ready to use."

"Wheston," Issei interrupted them in his silly dog voice, "Whats Thweir pieces?"

"Kiba is a Knight and Koneko is a Rook." Akeno answered.

Ah.

With a single tap of his powers, he…wow. His mind was blown with all the information on the Evil Pieces system. The basic structure, the history and public knowledge of its development, each individual pieces function; this was the most he'd ever gotten with his power. Such sudden and solid insight on something he'd never heard about until a day ago.

It was bullshit. And he _loved it_.

"Knights are units that rely on speed and mobility to work, and Rooks are walking defenses with great offensive potential. If you want to think of it like this, the knights are your DPS units and your Rooks are Tanks with limited CC." Rias nodded sagely to her-self, pleased with her explanation.

Oi, what kind of explanation was that.

"_Moving on_," Akeno stressed, drawing attention to her-self, "We've also currently got the Occult Club's collective familiars to rely on in handling this. Though most of them can only do reconnaissance."

"Akeno's and my own familiars can actually fight; our other member's familiars lack the capacity to do so." Rias picked up the slack, "Which is usually fine. Akeno's familiars are practically an attack force in and of them-selves."

What.

"Rias, how about we leave that for now?" The Japanese beauty was quick to sweep that out of the way, "have you considered using Gaspar for this?"

"Wasper?"

Rias bit her lip, "No, he's still too unstable. I don't want to force him into this." A glance had been shot to Dog!Issei. "Gasper is a member of our family, for the record. He's a bishop."

"Wagic Mashters. Wrust or Ward Wartrol or wusborts?" Issei nodded a fuzzy muzzle at Rias, who smirked.

"Now you're learning." Rias turned her attention back to Akeno, "We'll be fine without him." She asserted.

Akeno swallowed but nodded her acknowledgement. Rias moved her finger over to a closer group. "Outside of our group, we've also got another community of demons to help us. We share this territory with them and rule in 12 hour cycles. We have the night, they have the day."

"The leader of the community is Souna Shitori." Issei's chewing came to a halt.

"Thaw Thooul pewsident?" Souna Shitori, the president of this school, was the other demon King. Rias gave him an amused look.

"Yes, though her real name is Sona Sitri. Not just her. The entire school council is her peerage." Issei let his fuzzy maw open and the little figurine of Yuuma he'd been chewing on dropped to the floor.

He should have seen it coming, he really should have. Issei wasn't sure why he hadn't connected the dots on why Rias, the most popular lady in school, wasn't ruling it with a iron, sexy fist as school president. Now it makes sense. They've already got a group in the in. Ruled by demons, he had spent the first year of his life under the rule of demons. Should he be angry? That the entirety of his school life had been a lie? That the overarching and hidden masters of his world had been creatures that lurked within the deepest and darkest fears of mortal kind?

Issei spared a look Rias's bountiful chest, stored tight and firm in that school uniform of theirs. Issei nodded to him-self. If the price to pay for freedom was getting to enjoy these every day, then he, for one, welcomed their new sexy demon overlords.

Rias lifted her finger off the map and sat back into the couch, crossing her arms. "With them, we'd have double the firepower. I heard from Sona that she recently found a holder of one of the Prison Dragon's gears."

"Prison Dragon?" It hadn't been Issei that spoke up this time, but rather Kiba who was currently sitting at the far end of their couch. He was really sorry to Kiba to this. "That was Virtra wasn't it?"

"Yes. Turns out one of his pieces was born into Saji Genshirou. Tch," Rias clicked her tongue, "right under our noses the whole time…."

"Waji?" That asshole had a dragon in him? Son of a bitch!

"Do you know him Issei?"

"Woonim? I hathe whim!" Issei declared with all the hatred in the world.

Never had he met such a man who was obnoxious, perverted, lazy and all around a bad egg in his life! Why the very thought of him being able to peep on girls was appalling! And they should feel appalled for even letting him get an eyeful of them! It wasn't just because he had better luck with women than Issei did! Or got to go out on a date or anything while he was left out in the lonely void that was the eternal bachelor zone!

Or so it was at least. He, Hehe. A dark thought rose to the surface of Issei's perverted grey matter. Saji had always bragged about how he got that one girl and went on that one date, and held it over Issei's head like he was some kind of great super king and looked down at him like he was a mongrel.

How would Saji react if Issei introduced _his_ girlfriend?

He could just see the man's face now. Despair. It'd leave him in despair!

"Doggie" Koneko went on the attack, seeing that Issei had rolled over as his fantasy took over and proceeded to assault him on both the chin and stomach fronts. Issei wiggled in bliss.

Akeno raised a brow at Issei's sudden behavior and Rias was too caught up in her own thoughts. One leg crossed over the other. "The problem, however, is the price. Sona's not going to risk her peerage for nothing; even if the Fallen have entered into our territory."

Akeno pried her eyes from Issei to look glanced at her King. "It seems a little much for us to have to pay for their help to defend what we both own." She grumbled.

"I know, but rules are rules. We had first contact. We have to make the offering." She sighed and gave Issei the stink eye. "You better be worth it, mister." She said playfully. Issei was too busy getting petted to respond.

"So what can we give them, Rias?" Kiba spoke up once more, holding a hand to his side to ward off the doggie kicks from Issei.

"We could offer them a few things. Some more territory or time in control, maybe some favors, monetary support, summons points, trade pieces…though that last one I'd rather not." Rias smiled at her subordinates on the other side of the couch, "My family's a little too precious to be handing out so easily, you know?"

Kiba and Koneko nodded, smiles floating to their lips, or at least a lesser frown on Koneko's part. Issei seemed too into the tummy rubs Koneko was giving him, mumbling things like 'When wi theth to see whim cry'.

"So, anyone have any ideas of how we can handle it?"

The room was filled with an awkward silence. Or it would if Issei hadn't been howlin and woofing from his attention. Koneko had been useless on this matter; Kiba had spent the majority of his time rubbing his head with an apologetic expression. Akeno, no doubt, was spending her time calculating up the pros and cons of each individual choice to be had and what would be the best net profit. Rias, cross armed and legged, sunk into her couch and just contemplated, waiting to see if her subordinates would come up with the answer she had. Or hopefully something better.

"Eustion," Issei, back from his little fantasy world, "Who you wrade pieces or thar they gun fourewer?"

"Trade, Issei. She'll give me pieces in return."

"Jush wapture shume Wolluers, our even tha Wallen."

Rias turned to Akeno, both of them blinking as one. Then Rias turned back to Issei, "They could just get them on their own, you know."

"Well them wiff thew awren't in the waid, they awren't pwivy to the woof."

Rias rubbed her chin. "That…sounds reasonable. I'll probably re-word it but that's a good idea Issei." It really did seem like it made a lot of sense. Tell them if they want in on the followers and supernatural swag, they got to contribute.

"Well them ouu get two defined the spowils." Don't want those loot ninjas stealing all the good stuff.

"Yes, yes, of course." Rias decided she wanted to move on. That's cool. "So is that everything? No one else has anything to add in?"

"I'm fine, Rias."

"Nothing at all~."

"Doggie."

"Nwope."

"Then we'll call this meeting adjourned for now." Rias gave them a look, "We'll meet again before the raid but until then, feel free to relax you three. Akeno, you'll be coming with me to meet with Sona."

"Yes Rias."

_**I**_ssei hadn't actually done much in the way of relaxing. He didn't see how it'd help. It was going to be his first big operation, done on the second day of being magically empowered. Anyone, exalted or no, were going to be anxious over what was about to go down. With Rias and Akeno gone, the young man had left Kiba and Koneko, when she finally let him go, to wander around aimlessly in town.

That's what he told them, anyway. What he was really doing was scanning out the terrain before they did anything. Sure, they had familiars doing it for them but darn it he wanted to do something. Not feel so useless with all this magical power and not getting to do anything with it.

It also felt nice to just be out on a walk and let him-self get away from all the supernatural that'd been spontaneously and aggravatingly shoved onto him. Not that he wasn't enjoy the benefits but a break from the suffocating amount of crazy he's experienced the past two and a half days was needed.

Yawning, the young man had lifted his arm up to rotate it, taking a sleepy look around the street. It was Sunday, so the place was flooded with people moving along to where ever. A gaggle of girls chatting it up with one another, a business man hurrying his way home, some couples out together.

A date huh? That might be nice.

Issei groaned, rotating arm's hand moving to scratch the back of his head as he watched them. Laughing and playing with one another, looking like they were having a good time. For a brief moment he honestly considered it. Then, grumbling, he stuck his hand back into his pocket and shuffled along his way.

Maybe that was a little too fast for him.

His mind drifted to a certain someone, smiling and giggling, clinging to his arm. She said she'd wait. And it's been like, what, a day since they started it? They didn't need to do anything immediately, right? Small steps, Issei, not like last time when you rushed head long into it. That didn't end well.

You nearly got stabbed through the heart. And exploded. And lasered.

You can do better than last time, just got to think it over a bit more.

Maybe some flowers? Flowers might be nice. To thank her. He'd get a smile out of her, probably. Now _there_ was a reason to do it.

Issei fiddled around in his pocket, digging out his wallet. Flashing it open and tallying up what's left, he found he just, just had enough for something basic. The young man scratched his cheek. A week ago he'd blown most of it on some new Momozono videos. Way to think ahead Issei.

Well it's not like he could have predicted what had happened.

"Oh well," Issei snapped his wallet shut and stuck it back into his pocket. "No use crying over spilt milk." Got flowers to get, a woman to make smile, a base to raid; busy, busy.

Spinning on his heels, the boy hadn't taken a step before something collided with him. It had bounced off harmlessly, forced back and leaving the teenager confused.

Or rather, she did. Standing there in front of him was a just as confused beauty, foreign, with long blond hair and wide, blue eyes. A glance over had shown her with an over abundance of western religion influence; a white veil, a dark colored skirt and a flowing, practically drooping, sleeved blouse. Sitting prominently on her chest, right next to a crisp bow, was a cross hanging.

She had a suitcase with her, too. Was she a traveling nun? She looked a little young.

She looked dazed, furrowing her brows and looking up at what, or who, she'd just collided with. Blinking, the little girl opened her mouth into a 'O' expression, before panic took her expression.

"I-I'm sorry!" She cried, lifting up her suitcase and bowing repeatedly. "I'm really sorry!" Then, skittishly, she stopped and with a lowered head tried to move around him and press on down the road. She was rushing off in embarrassment.

Issei raised a brow and turned to watch the girl walk off. "It's no problem at all, miss."

The nun froze in place, "E-eh?" She turned back to him, staring at him, "W-what did you just say?"

"I said it was no problem." The nun stared at him, "What?"

She dropped her suitcase. Running up to him, the nurse quickly grabbed his hands and lifted them upwards; "Please!" she pleaded "Help me!"

"I, uh,"

"Please!" Tear drops started to form at the sides of her eyes. "I-I've been in this country for a week and you're the first person I've run across that can understand me! Please help me!"

Issei looked at her like she'd grown two heads. "But you're speaking perfect Japanese."

"Japanese?" She questioned, tilting her head, "I-I only speak Italian and German."

"Well then how are we-ah." He lifted his head up, suddenly remembering something Akeno had mentioned to him. Devil's understood all languages. It was a racial trait. So that would mean…hmm, that was fascinating. He should bring it up with Rias later.

"Sir?" The nun looked up at him questionably.

"Oh, uh, ha, I'm sorry miss." He smiled at her, "Sometimes it's hard for me to tell the difference, you know? I've been speaking Italian for so long."

"Eh? But aren't we speaking German?" Wait what? We are? Shit.

"Y-yeah, German," He shook his head, "Anyway, that's not important. You said you needed help, miss…?"

"Ah," she lifted a hand up to her mouth, "I-I'm sorry, to forget such a basic thing." She coughed and cleared her throat, smiling, "My name is Asia. Asia Argento. And yours?"

"Issei Hyoudou." He smiled again, took her hand and gave her a firm shake. "It's nice to meet you, Asia."

"Yes. It's nice to meet you, Issei." She returned his shake with a firmer grip that surprised him. "So, um, could you perchance…?"

"Yeah, I'll help you."

Like hell he was going to pass up the chance to spend an evening with this beauty.

Taking her luggage and leading the woman on, Issei thought it better to find a place quieter than a busy street. That didn't involve a back alley or wandering off into some open terrain. Last thing he wanted at the moment was to get ganked by Fallen. Not likely but better safe than sorry.

So here he was in a McDonald's rip off shop, half his money down the drain and eating a kid's meal with a total stranger.

Sigh. So much for those flowers he was going to get Akeno. Issei crunched on a fry while watching Asia trying to figure out what this new and spectacular thing known as hamburger was, lifting it up into the air and examining it from all angles. Goddess, she was adorable.

"You can eat it from any direction, Asia." Issei chuckled. He picked up his own hamburger, a tiny sample given the meal they bought and only took a small bite out of it. He'd have crammed the whole thing in his mouth if he could but he didn't think it wise while Asia was still clueless. She might try to follow his example and choke.

She watched him intently, eyes centered on him. The young exalt just took a few bites and swallowed. "See?" He took a sip from his drink, "Simple."

Asia nodded seriously. Lifting up her burger, she guided it to her mouth and took what was probably one of the tiniest bites he'd ever seen in his mouth. A few chews, swallow and she was looking back at him with shinning eyes. "Like that Issei?"

"Yeah, sure Asia, you know you can take larger bites right?"

"O-oh? Um," Her eyes shifted around shadily, before she leaned over the table, one hand up to hide what she was saying. "T-that's not bad manners, is it?" She whispered.

Issei looked at her incredulously. "No Asia, you're fine."

"O-oh, okay." She then proceeded to take another, larger bite out of her burger. "It's good!" she cheerfully announced.

Issei just watched her, one arm back on the seat and the other holding up the drink he sipping on a straw from. He let her get in a few more bites before bringing up the point of the matter, "So Asia," he started, lowering his arm and giving her his attention. "Why are you in Japan?" Issei got right to the point.

"Um, I'm here for employment." She offered without resistance, "I was hired to work here as a nun for this town's church."

Issei stared at the little girl in nun's clothing, unblinking. "So, these…employers of yours, what do they look like?"

"Um," she shifted eyes again, before looking up at him. There was a height difference, even if they were sitting down and she gave off the cutest little pose of staring up at him through her lashes. "Do you need to know?"

Suspiciously hush hush about her employers despite her shown openness, check on that box.

"Yes Asia, I need to know what they're like if I'm going to help you track them down."

"Y-you could just show me to the church," Trying to deflect the question, check.

"No Asia," Issei locked eyes with the nun, "I don't know how you do it where you live but here, when a man helps a lady, they do everything they can to help someone." Given his personal definition of 'man' derived from shounen manga. She glanced away from him. "Did you ever consider that maybe you have the wrong city?"

"B-bluh!?" She looked back at him, frantic, "N-no, that can't happen, I-I've already-,"

"Already what Asia?"

"…Mixed up the location five times before coming here." She admitted her defeat. Asia sunk into her seat, shoulders up and glancing down uncomfortably in defeat. Issei winced. Ouch, there's clumsy, there's hopeless and then there's _this_.

Then again, she can't speak Japanese or even English. That probably contributed to this merry go round of city visitations.

"Mhmm, so I'm going to help you get this right, okay?" She looked back up at him, "I promise. So what do they look like?"

The nun was still hesitant to tell him but with a little more coaxing Issei finally got her to speak. "Well, um, it was a private group. A few women and a man, and the women were dress, were dress like, um." Asia's cheeks lit up.

"Like they had their unmentionables and privates out on display?" Asia opened her mouth at him, cheeks flaring more, before shifting her weight in embarrassment. Issei was eating this up.

"Y-yeah, just a little, and there was a man. He was dressed more, um, modestly."

"Did he have a fedora?"

"Y-yes, he did" She was puzzled, "How did you know?"

"Just a hunch, Asia. What dapper gentleman would be without his fedora after all?" And that confirms that. The Fallen are at the church. Not that they hadn't already guessed that.

"I see," She shifted her weight again and looked down, "They had a weird fashion sense but th-they seemed like nice people, h-honest." Yeah, Issei bet they did.

Leaning to the side, the teenager fished out his phone. Flipping it on, the man started thumbing his way through the menus. It took him a moment but when he realized that no sound was coming from Asia he glanced up at her. "Asia? Is something the matter?"

Asia was giving his phone a funny look. "What's that?"

Issei blinked. He opened up his mouth to say something, than closed it. He knew where this was going. "Asia," Issei started, "Do you know what a phone is?"

"Yes?"

"Can you show me what it is?" Asia tilted her head at him, "I mean show me what a phone is. Like, show me how you dial a phone with your hands."

"Um," Asia stretched her arms out. One hand had gone up to her ear, pinky and thumb sticking out, reminiscent of a phone. With her other, she poked a finger into the air, pushing than dragging something down into a semi circle before releasing and repeating the process. "Like this Issei?" She asked innocently.

Issei's mouth hung open slightly. Oh His Fucking Goddess

Just let him take her home already.

"Y-yeah, Asia, s-something like that," Issei gulped. Was she doing this on purpose? Someone couldn't be, be this willfully ignorant and adorable on the modern day terms. There was no way. No way!

He moved his head back down to look at his phones screen. He started typing in a text to Rias. [Church base location confirmed. Talking to one of their subordinates right now], which he left just vague enough to get her asking questions.

"What are you doing, Issei?" Asia asked him.

"Texting. It's like writing phone calls."

"…O-oh," Asia looked astonished, "Can you even do that?"

"You can now." He lifted up his phone, adorned in dragon ball stickers, "With a modern day phone." The phone gave him a buzz. He flipped it around in his hand and had a look.

[What? Where?] Rias was pretty quick on her reply.

[At Not!McDonalds] It wasn't like he was lying or anything.

"So Asia, I have another question." Issei set the phone down onto the table, Asia's eyes trailing after it. Issei leaned in on the table. "But I need you to come closer, alright?" He held up his hand. Asia didn't look like she understood, but nodded and took a serious expression, leaning in.

"Do you know what magic is?"

"M-m-m-magic?" Asia stuttered, her body going rigid, "I-I-I don-n't."

"Psst, Asia, I can use it too." His phone buzzed

"E-eh?" She blinked and looked at him, startled. She looked around the restaurant, turning both ways to have a glance over their side seat before lowering back down with her hand up. "Y-you can?"

"Yeah," he grinned in amusement, "I can use magic too. I'm a wizard." What he did was technically magic, even if it didn't involve spells. It was completely legit.

"O-oh, um, O-okay." She glanced down, not sure what to say in regards to that.

"Can you use magic too?" Issei asked innocently. Asia gave him a fleeting glance, did another round of checking, because they weren't suspicious at all by this point and nodded to him with a bit lower lip.

"Okay, can you give me a second? I'm talking with a friend. Another wizard," he winked. Rias could shoot lasers. That was magic, right? Asia gave him another serious nod.

[Why are you eating at McRonalds with the enemy again?]

[Because she's adorable] Hey, might as well be honest here right?

[At least ask why she's with them or something.]

[She said they employed her and she can use magic.]

[Did you ask her what kind of magic?] He did. Kinda. Half way there.

"Hey Asia, if you don't mind me asking," he turned his attention back to the nun, "What kind of magic can you use?"

"U-um, h-healing magic?"

Come to think of it, given the Fallen's previous antics involving him-self. "Oi, Asia, do you have a sacred gear?"

"Sacred gear?" She hesitated, "What's that?"

"It's like an, uh, magical item or super skill." Issei explained.

Asia looked aside and adjusted her giant, floppy sleeves, suddenly appealing more self-conscious than he'd ever seen her, "Yes."

"That's cool. I've got one my-self." He said casually, watching the nun's actions with a critical eye. She gave him a curious eye, "Don't know what it does though. I haven't really had the time to look into it. But I've got one. That's what my wizard pals say."

"R-really?"

"Yeah. And they're professionals at this." Still not lying technically; in fact this was the least not lie he'd told the entire time. "So would you mind showing me your sacred gear?"

"U-um, hold on." She reached up and took off her veil. A single blond strand, repressed from the white cloth, sprung to freedom, curling inward towards her hair.

Glorious Ahoge.

Placing the veil down on the table, she snuck her hands underneath it. Then, just for a split second, green light trimmed around the edges of the veil. She removed it and presented her hands to him. "Here it is."

It only took him a moment to realize what it was. On her middle fingers were two small, silvery rings; the distinctive appearance of the Smile of the Holy Mother. Asia Argento had been blessed with the sacred gear Twilight Healing. She was the super rare healer character that everyone wanted.

"Oh my," Issei smiled, "You've got quite the nice sacred gear there, Asia."

"I-I do?"

"Mhmm. Do you know what it's called?" She shook her head, hair tussling behind. "It's known as the Smile of the Holy Mother. Twilight Healing. It's pretty rare."

"…Holy Mother." Asia placed both hands on her chest and clinched them, dazed over just the name alone.

And while he was saying this, the young man was taking peaks down at the conversation he was having on the phone with his King.

[So Rias, how much would you love me if I told you I stumbled across a bearer of Twilight Healing?]

[Enough that I'd be willing to blow you from under my nice desk?]

[The mahogany one?]

[Yes.]

[Really?]

[Maybe.]

Issei stared at his phone screen in amusement.

[Akeno get off the phone. I want to talk with Rias.]

[Rias is busy trying to swindle Sona.] It took a moment for that next one to come. Like she was hesitant about acknowledging that she'd been caught. [Looked over the texts, said you found an enemy?]

[Yeah, and she's the cutest little thing. And the twilight healer.]

"Um, Issei?" Asia asked for his attention.

"Just a sec Asia," He looked up from his fiddling to flash Asia a brief smile.

[You still have that slip I handed you just this morning when I picked you up?]

[The instant teleportation one? Yeah.] He wasn't about to let a free pass get out spell just slip out of his hands. That's crazy.

[Use it to bring her to the Club house. We'll decide what to do with her there when she's out of harms way.]

[Got it.]

Twirling his phone in one hand and slipping it back down into his pocket, Issei smiled at the foreign girl. "Well, I've got some good news for you Asia. My wizard friends want to talk to you. They've got a few things they want to discuss. Is that alright?"

"B-but, the church…"

"Its fine, it's fine." He waved off her concerns. "The church will still be there when you get done, okay? And I'm, well, worried about you."

"Worried?"

"When was the last time you slept in a nice bed?" He was a harsh question to ask, but one he had to get across. She shrunk down a bit.

"..U-um, no-not since I left Italy?" She squeaked.

Yeah, that's what he thought.

"Exactly," He got up from his seat and stepped before the nun. With one dramatic sweep of the arm, the young man offered his hand. "If milady would grant me the honor, I'd love to escort her on a magical journey through awe and wonder?"

She looked at him in puzzlement but still, slowly, placed her hand into his. It was a sign of trust, what little he'd built up in their time together. Or maybe she was just too over trusting by nature? That was more likely.

"J-just um, one thing Issei…" she trailed off as he pulled her to her feet.

"Yeah?"

"Can we finish lunch first?"

Issei looked over at the half eaten kid's meals on both ends. Oh. "…Yeah, sure, we can finish eating."

Can't fight Fallen on an empty stomach, and all that.

**~END~**

Fun facts of the chapter:

I have some general rolls I do for the story - generally things like information rolls, compassion rolls for Issei, dealing with ideas, those sorts of deals - and Issei scored a 10 success out of 12 dice for the roll involving the Evil Pieces.

Turns out Italy's got a shit ton of official minority languages. German is one of the bigger official ones I've found, at like 3% according to wikipedia (but then again it's wikipedia sooooo. Also lazyness, I know).

I had actually been hoping to finish up the Fallen arc this chapter and move on to other things but one thing lead to another with Asia's introduction and it just reached the point where she engulfed a good deal of the pages I meant for the Fallen battle. You'll get it next chapter.

This chapter is about 28 pages long without the notes, and 10K+ as well. But it got spaced a lot due to the one liners. Whoops

I really need to get a dedicated spelling nazi beta for this fic. I really do.

and that's everything I think. Hope you enjoyed.


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